Photo by Anirudh Koul
In April, I will have lived in Atlanta for two years. Shortly after I moved here, I accidentally took the wrong train, and spent a great deal of time finding my way back home. I blogged about that experience on myspace, where I likened it to relationships.
Briefly, I theorized that life is like a long train ride, with lots of stops along the way. We get on the train, and we ride to our destination, where we get off the train. From time to time, we share the ride with other passengers, and they share their ride with us. As long as our paths are synchronous, we ride the train together, learn from each other, share our joys and sorrows, and move forward. When our paths divert, either we get off the train, or they do, and we begin to move apart. Our paths might cross again at some point in the future, and we can share the train ride again, or they might not. Our job is to enjoy their company while they are with us, but to let them go freely when their path takes them away.
The other night, for no apparent reason at all, I felt drawn to visit the airport. I had no one to drop off, no one to pick up, no one to meet. I just felt guided to the airport, and so I went. Among other things, this past year has taught me to listen to my intuition more, and to go with my gut feelings rather than to rely on logic and rationalizations. So, I went with my instinct, and went to the airport, not knowing what I would find or what to expect. The whole experience reminded me of Dogma.
Dogma is one of my favorite movies of all time. The opening scene takes place in an airport, with two exiled angels talking about human nature, and how airports bring out the best in people. I can’t remember the exact quote, but one angel points to a couple and says: “See that couple? How happy they are? He doesn’t know it, but she cheated on him the whole time they were apart. But none of that matters now, because they are just so happy to be together again.”
As I sat in the airport, I was overcome by the truth in the angel’s sentiment. The highs and lows of human relationships are all played out at the airport. People are so, so happy when they reunite with loved ones. They wait with smiles on their faces, eagerly standing on tiptoes to see over the crowd, glancing anxiously at the “arrivals” signs, waving enthusiastically as they see each other and rush into hugs and kisses…such relief, and joy, and happiness. Tears flow freely. The joyful nature of reunions overwhelms the senses.
And then there are the other people…the ones saying goodbye to loved ones. Sometimes, these are gut-wrenching, heart-rending sorrowful affairs, but more often, they are more restrained, more subdued. Partly that is because our society tends to frown on the public expression of negative emotions, but there’s something else going on, too. Usually (although certainly not always) there is a sense of adventure, of excitement, of moving “towards” something. Happiness within the sadness. This is the most evident with people who are going on vacation. The ones being left behind are sad, but not overwhelmingly so. The person who is leaving is a little sad, but mostly looking forward to the trip. There are still tears, but tears of happiness are mixed in with the tears of sorrow.
I think my experience at the airport helped me place a lot of things in perspective regarding relationships and life in general. I re-learned the lesson that I had learned from the trains when I first moved here to Atlanta: We are all individuals walking our own paths.
Sometimes, our paths cross other paths, and sometimes our paths run side-by-side with others for a while, before diverging again. Be happy when your path crosses someone else’s path, and be thankful when your paths run side-by-side for a while. When your paths diverge, it’s only natural to feel sadness and maybe even a little fear. But don’t let those feelings overwhelm you. When the time comes to part company, exchange hugs (and maybe tears). Take some time to sit down beside the fork in the road and have a picnic together. As much as possible, leave each other with the same state of love and acceptance that you met each other with. Don’t stop walking your path, and stare at the other person’s path longingly. Most likely, they are already looking towards their future, their challenges, their adventure. Look to your own.
I know. It’s a lot easier said than done. I know it’s hard. I know it hurts. Goddess knows, I know. I have spent the past 3 months trying to get over my last relationship. When the time comes to part ways, do so graciously. You’ll thank yourself later. If you don’t, you’ll kick yourself later. I know because I wasn’t gracious in ending my last relationship, and I regret that.
Going to the airport served as a nice “bookend” to my experience with the trains. It framed my time here in Atlanta perfectly. Because, you see, the time has come for me to leave Atlanta and move on to the next phase of my life. I don’t know where I’m going, or who I’m going to meet, but I’m looking ahead to my own path, and preparing myself for the next set of lessons I need to learn. I learned a lot about myself here in Atlanta, and I learned a lot about love and loss. I had a lot of painful (but necessary) growth experiences, but the time has come for me to move on. I have my heart set on Hawaii.
Aloha.
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Hi Jay – You mention you’re leaving Atlanta. I hope as you journey toward your new endeavors you’ll share them here on your blog.
This post is worded so eloquently. I really like the part where you say, “Don’t stop walking your path, and stare at the other person’s path longingly. Most likely, they are already looking towards their future, their challenges, their adventure. Look to your own.” There’s a lot of truth in those words.
Barbara Swafford’s last blog post..Questioning Life & Blogging About It
Beautiful blog! Well done
I’ll be back
Best wishes
Hi Barbara,
Thank you! Both for your comments, and for featuring my blog on your site. I hope that your readers will find my thoughts entertaining and useful. I don’t have all the answers, but I have plenty of questions, and I make a LOT of mistakes. With any luck, readers can learn from my stumblings without having to make the same mistakes.
Hi Jay – Beautiful writing! I’m here via Barbara’s link, but I’ll be back. I love the analogy and the quote from the angel – the then doesn’t matter, it’s the now, isn’t it? Thanks.
Betsy Wuebker’s last blog post..A LOVE LETTER TO OUR CHILDREN ON VALENTINE’S DAY
I like the metaphor of life as a train ride, except for the fact that I have never been on a train.
I think life might be more like an airport. I love the way you described the way people feel there. Of course, people are zooming in all sort of different directions there as well and our paths do cross.
Chase March’s last blog post..The Escapists
Hi Jay! Beautiful post – beautiful symbolism. Reminds me of the opening lines from Love Actually:
“Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion’s starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don’t see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it’s not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it’s always there – fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge – they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaking suspicion… love actually is all around.”
Hi and congratulations on being featured as New Blog of the Week. I’ve enjoyed reading a few of your posts (it’s a hectic week, no time for lingering longer) and will be subscribing to see what you write next.
Dot’s last blog post..OpenOffice Extensions
Life is truly a journey and I love framing it like a train ride. PERFECT!!!
This especially hit home with me: “Don’t stop walking your path, and stare at the other person’s path longingly.”
BEAUTIFULLY SAID!!!
Kathy | Virtual Impax’s last blog post..Social Media is Simply Communication on Steroids
Hi Kathy,
That line seems to hit home for a lot of people, myself included. I think we all have a tendency to look at the other path for a bit too long, wishing we could follow it. However, it’s only when we start to look ahead towards our own path that we begin to heal. Thank you for your comments!
Yes, that line hits home for me too, reminds me of the saying that we should always be kinder than necessary to everyone we meet because we all have our worries and battles.
I love airporys too, best people-watching places on Earth.
And I’m thinking that since trains can’t cross oceans, that’s where we venture even further, as souls out sailing we go.
Congrats on NBOTW!!
Jannie Funster’s last blog post..Like a bord on a wire, 4
shoot, airports.
As you will come to know, my typing is notoriously atrocious.
Jannie Funster’s last blog post..Like a bord on a wire, 4
Thank you, Jannie! I wonder if that is why I am currently feeling such a strong pull to the ocean…because I’ve reached the “end of the line” and wish to go even further? Hmmm…something to think about!
Hey Jay, congrats on NBOTW!
Every so often, I do a bit of people watching at places like airports, train stations and the like and it is particularly interesting your analogy of relationships and trains on different (and sometime converging) tracks.
Ultimately, I think what does it for me is that, whoever is in your life, no longer in your life, will be in your life is part of an entire journey that makes you, you. It can be sad to let go of people who have had such a big impact on you, but just because you’re sad, does not mean it should change the decision entirely. The possibilities are endless and sometimes, leaving a track, shows you a whole new track that takes you places you never imagined before.
Cool blog – thank you!
Daisy
Daisy’s last blog post..Blog Obituary
Hi Jay,
Wonderful writing! And this all reminds me of the last time I was at the airport – last fall. We arrived early to the gate on our return trip home. And the check in counter hadn’t opened yet. We waited with another couple who was there rescheduling their flight. And what a great ‘moment’ we had enjoying each other’s company while we waited. Much happiness amongst strangers. And then we came home…and our paths will never cross again most likely. Yet, my life was enriched because of the moments we all took to “be” with each other.
Anyway, I wish you well on your future plans – wherever they may take you. And congratulations on being Barbara’s NBOTW!!
Lance’s last blog post..Sunday Thought For The Day
Really great blog! I just left a long winded comment on your previous post. You write beautifully. Can’t wait to see what you have in store…
Caroline’s last blog post..Photo challenge
Found you through Barbara Swafford’s blog. Beautiful observations. Airports are a great place for people-watching, and have been a big part of my life (I’ve lived in the Philippines and the US). Leaving for a new place has been sad, yes, but mostly a wonderful opportunity for growth. I would love to go to Hawaii someday. Good luck!
Jewel/Pink Ink’s last blog post..Love Letter
Hi Jay – I read part of this over on Blogging Without a Blog. What an awesome post and one I can really relate to.
Good luck on the next part of your journey. I bet Hawaii will be awesome. Wherever you wind up, I hope you blog about it.
Hi Cath,
Thanks for stopping by. Indeed, I will continue to blog, no matter where I end up. I’m hopelessly addicted now!
Thank you for your kind words. Your blog is truly inspirational.
Thank you, Lance! Your blog is awesome! I really enjoyed your basketball post.
I really liked your part:
“Don’t stop walking your path, and stare at the other person’s path longingly. Most likely, they are already looking towards their future, their challenges, their adventure. Look to your own.”
I always view that everything happens for a reason…you might not know now or tomorrow or next month or next year just why your life takes the paths it does….but sometime in the future, it will hit you like a ton of mooses that “Hey! That’s what I needed to learn!”
Thanks for posting
Barbara
Barbara Ling, Virtual Coach’s last blog post..RANT – When bloggers are PAINFULLY clueless