Mixed cash with some coins by stopnlook
“Sell out, with me oh yea. Sell out with me tonight. Record company’s gonna give me lots of money, and everything’s gonna be all right.” ~Reel Big Fish
Whenever the subject of religion comes up, I always jokingly tell people that I’m a Jayist, because I created my own religion (Jayism), hacked together from bits and pieces of religions from around the world and across time. A dollop of Wicca, a smattering of Buddhism, a sprinkle each of Zoroastrianism, Shintoism, Cherokee spirituality, and Asatru, add a dash of Roman, Greek, Celtic, and Egyptian mythology. Blend until smooth, season to taste.
Every good religion needs a few commandments, right? Things you absolutely must do, and things that are strictly forbidden. After all, religions are all about rules (not to be confused with spirituality which is blessedly rule-free). Jayism is no exception. The only difference is that I usually make my commandments up as I go along, and I toss them aside whenever they no longer suit my purpose. Rules are meant to be broken after all.
A few of my commandments include such gems as:
- Never take a called third strike (go down swinging)
- Never throw eggs down the same street twice.
- The biggest and the baddest always wins. Unless the other combatant is a mother protecting her young.
- Never get between a mother and her cub. Never.
I’ve picked up commandments from many people in my life, most notoriously from my dad. I’ve also come up with a few of my own from time to time. At some point, I should probably write them all down, but then a thousand years from now, somebody might find the list, and do something stupid like build a religion around it. And that religion would NOT be Jayism, and that’s just not cool. Thou shalt not fight wars because of Jayism. How’s that for a good commandment?
Which brings us to the subject of this post. Is there a universal commandment from Jayism that I feel is appropriate for all people at all time? Indeed there is. Thou shalt not sell out. Another great commandment, no? Unfortunately, it’s easier said than done. I know, because I’ve already broken it.
In the music world, an artist is said to have “sold out” when he trades his artistic vision for commercial success. A musician who betrays his original fans by producing an album that is geared towards more mainstream success has sold out. Selling out is an act that usually destroys a career, because of the alienation of the core fan base, and the fickle tastes of the masses. Very few bands who sell out have any further success past their initial foray into the mainstream. They become “one hit wonders”, and are promptly forgotten.
I always hated musicians who sold out. I always thought that was the lamest shit, ever. Really? You’d rather sell a million albums than stay true to yourself? Well, OK, but don’t expect ME to be one of those sales. I’m outta here!
It’s possible to sell out without being a musician. When you trade your dreams for reality, you’ve sold out. A person sells out when they trade what they really want for something that “is kinda sorta like” what they really want. An artist who becomes a graphic designer because it pays the bills has sold out. An athlete who decides that it would be safer and easier to stand on the sidelines and coach has sold out. A musician who sells out like this would become a producer or an A&R rep. You know, they’re in the music business, but they’re not a musician. That’s the kind of selling out I’m talking about here. If you have a dream, and you settle for anything less than the dream, no matter how close it might be to the dream itself, you have sold out. You have sold your soul in exchange for comfort and security.
I just now (as in, a few weeks ago) realized that selling out is exactly what I did. Oh, not with the music thing. I was never really good enough to sell out, musically speaking. No, I traded my other dream for limited commercial success. An aspiring novelist who becomes a copywriter (or even worse, an editor, which is what I did) has sold out.
I wanted to write stories. I wanted to write books. I wanted to make up worlds and tell stories to entertain people, and to offer them an escape from reality. I wanted to do book signings, and get paid to speak at conferences.
When I was a kid, I used to tell outlandish stories to entertain my parents and my friends. I even wrote a few of them down from time to time. I read a LOT, and even stuff that was way over my head. I played Dungeons and Dragons, which allowed me to tell even MORE outlandish stories, and best of all, have other people participate and contribute to my little fantasies. It also allowed me to create characters, and to really get inside them and know them. This, in turn, tremendously helped my story-telling abilities.
But see, there was a problem. My self-esteem was shot. And deep down, I didn’t really believe that I was good enough to be an author. I never thought that anybody would buy my stories, or pay to read them. And so I buried that dream deep down inside of me. So deep, in fact, that I forgot all about it. I decided to do something practical, something safe. Instead of taking English in college, I settled on communications. Being a DJ was easy, it was safe. I did it in high school, and I knew I was good at it. Easy four years, then an easy job forever afterwards, that was my thought process. Move to the big city, earn 6 figures, live happily ever after.
Yeah, it didn’t work that way. I got burned out on that, switched to non-profit, switched to Public Relations, switched to grant writing, switched to editing, now working for th’ man as an editor. And just now remembering what it is that I forgot so long ago. That dream, buried under responsibilities, practicality, and “well this is almost the same” thoughts and half-truths. That dream of being an author, buried because of self-esteem issues that I’m only just now coming to terms with.
So, now I know what I want to do, what I need to do, what I have to do. I just need to figure out how to get there from here. I’m working on an escape plan, it’s just gonna take a little time and a little planning. But I will be an author one day. Oh yes, I will.
And so kids, if I had one piece of advice that really should stand for all time, one commandment for you to follow, it’s simply this: Don’t sell out. Don’t trade your dreams for anything less than their full realization. Do whatever it takes to be that very thing that you want to be. Practice for 10,000 hours, then practice for 20,000 more. Practice long past the time when everyone else has given up and gone home. As Steve Martin once said, “Be undeniably good.” If you can do that (and you can if you practice long enough), then you’ll never have to sell out. Success is guaranteed.
Love always,
Jay
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You’re a writer already, my dear… you’re just working on your warm up drafts to get ready for the major work you are going to crank out one of these days.
I suppose you need to get started on it (if you haven’t already). Time to start outlining story lines, fleshing out characters, and living in your made up plot. That way, when the time is right, it’s just a matter of transferring the info from your head to the paper/ screen.
Even if you can’t write full time at this point, you can write part time… or quarter time… or for ten minutes when you first wake up every morning (and before you reach for that damned iPhone!).
It takes a lot of trial and error during those first 10K hours… might as well get started on that part of the deal, huh? I know you’re gonna make it, Jay… I’ve already pre-ordered your book.
Lisis | Quest For Balance´s last blog ..Inspiration: Helen Keller “Great and Noble Tasks”
@Lisis – Thanks for the encouragement. I’ve said it once today already, but you really are an angel. Yes, I’ve already started. I’ve been working steadily on it for a couple of years now, as a matter of fact. I’ve got characters, plotlines, background info…a whole lot of stuff. I’ve even got a few stories ready to go. For the past few months I’ve been working on a website, and getting ready to launch. And that’s just the fiction stuff! I’m also planning a couple of non-fiction books on spirituality. I’ll be sure to keep you in mind for one of the draft readers. That way, you’ll get to read it before anyone else
Thanks for this Jay!
I’m doing a ECON major in college right now. But now thanks to you, this post, and feedback from my friends, I’m changing my major yet again.
Awesome that you got a new website going! Nice!
Hope everything goes well. Thanks again for this inspirational work of art
John´s last blog ..When Stating Intentions, Be Specific
Jay, just have to ask, have you ever read The Artist’s Way? I’m doing the course right now, and in the very first chapter she discusses this phenomenon, of “shadow artists”. Basically you set up shop in a career that’s within shouting distance of your dream. It’s a fear thing. Or call it a low self-esteem thing, or a lack of audacity, or listening to the loud, pushy voices of this culture instead of the drumbeat in your blood.
But it really doesn’t mean it’s over or that you sold out… at least not from my perspective. Life takes us on so many winding detours, and when you eventually publish your first book, I wouldn’t be surprised if all of those years of *not* being a writer make it into the pages.
Although I also believe we’re a tribe, we writers, and you can’t “not” be a writer anymore than you can stop breathing. You can stop writing, and be miserable for it. I told myself I had to stop writing and settle down to a “real job” in Law School — and almost ended up killing myself as a result. But if you’re writing — and you are! and this post is the proof — you’ll find your way, I’m convinced. It doesn’t have to look a certain way. That’s just more cultural myth.
Meredith´s last blog ..intoxication
Wow Jay, this is the first time I’ve read your blog and I already feel very inspired and motivated.
Because it is very great that you bring this post with a great sense of personal experience, and no advice is better than the one you’ve truly experienced.
So thank you for sharing this wisdom with all of us, I’m going to start going after what I really want in life- starting with the right major in university.
Thank you again for the reminder!
Steven
@John – You’re welcome! That’s great that you’re changing your major to re-align with your dreams. I wish I had been that smart when I was in college!
@Meredith – Hmmm That’s the second time someone has mentioned The Artist’s Way to me. I have bought it for other people, but not for myself. Perhaps it’s time to read it myself. I like the idea of writers being a tribe. I think that’s very true. Writers need the support of other writers, and the more we can support each other, the better we become.
@Steven – Good for you! It takes a lot of courage to go after what you really want, and so I’m proud of you for sticking to your guns. It ain’t easy!
Hi Mr. Writer,
I have said this to you before. Youre writing captivates..its just a matter of time.
See in my books youre already a writer..thats the reason i have to just have to come and get my does of Jayism as often as i can
See Lets visualize this- Jay coming out of this huge conference where he has won the Booker prize, and me coming and saying -’autograph please’ on one of your many prize winning books. Ahh…the glee….
As for selling out…yes, most of us at some point or the other sold out. Lifes practicalities make you unconsciously do that.
But, the important thing now is the realization. The True Calling is here for the taking….just work towards it…. I can already see Jay Scryer in Shining lights up in the sky….and maybe I might be on one of those shining skies too…
Me is praying and working hard towards it…let both not sell out this time
Love
Zeenat.
Zeenat{Positive Provocations}´s last blog ..Why Are We Here? {Inspirational Quote}
Writers write, like actors act – even with day jobs.
But dreams DO change over time. Most of us Westerners start off dreaming that we can Have It All – perfect creative work/day job, perfect marriage/relationship, perfect children, perfect housing situation, perfect amount of minimum money coming in, perfect social life, perfect body/amount of exercise, etc, etc, etc.
Then we interact with the world. And we find we have to have priorities and make choices. And, of course, here in the West we have much of the rest of the world as our economic slave system.
But, back in the day, even American kids didn’t do the level of dreaming that we do, even into our adulthood. The message of “A Tree Grows in Brooklyn” tells about that in cities, “Little House on the Prairie” series about it in the country. Both have the added angle of a father who is either a dreamer or a drunk-then-dead.
Adult dreams usually include happily dropping children off at high-quality affordable childcare – I’ve not seen any kids who have that dream, because they aren’t yet aware of some requirements of their dreams. But it’s how one handles that interaction between dreams and the reality that they dreams need to aspect in that defines whether the dreamer is an adult or a child.
Even for Western Adults, tho’, their different dreams or different aspects of their dreams are more important at different times of their lives. Living in a studio apartment writing the Great American Novel because that is the dream is great, but not so much when the studio apartment is shared with a spouse and a baby. The writing then is easier if there is at least one bedroom to the apartment, or maybe a few hours of out of the house childcare a week. Which might mean a day job for one or both partners, at least part time. Is that selling out, or is that finding the best way to make the dream come true?
As for me – today is a dry day outside. I’ll rake the leaves and hang laundry. Tomorrow and Wednesday will be wet. I’ll work on my web site, post to my blog, make stock. My dreams involve self-suffinciency. Which I’m not at yet, might never be. Some dreams take working at, rather than manifesting in total. What matters is that I do the work that leads to the possibility of more complete manifestation. Sometimes that means taking a job so I can buy land. It’s part of the total path, not necessarily ’selling out’.
Just a few thoughts….
Frondly, Fern
After getting married very young I yearned for a higher education. So finally one day I signed up for two classes: How to Study and Speed Reading. Finishing those got rid of the fear of not being smart enough.
It took me 9 & 1/2 years to get my bachelors degree. I always told myself if you don’t begin today where will you be 10 years from now?
So Jay I agree with Lisis, begin today, take one small step and add another and another…if you don’t where will you be 10 years from now?
Oh and Yes you are a writer already!
Hi Jay,
It is never too late to go after a dream. Like Lisis and Tess said, it all starts with one small step.
Do not be so hard on yourself for your past for it got you where you are now. So there are no mistakes and there are no regrets. Just go for your dreams and things will have a way of falling into place. They always do. Just go with the flow and enjoy the ride. You never know where you will be but if you are true to who you are….you will be guided to the next step. I have no doubt!
I look forward to seeing what comes next and yay for not selling out!
Nadia – Happy Lotus´s last blog ..What Do You Know For Certain?
Jay, well first of all, I love Jayism. And second of all, I am with others above who have pointed out that you most definitely already are an author, right here. And third, I also recommend The Artist’s Way, so that’s three times for you now!
BUT (I just have to have a teeny tiny but on this one) I am reluctant to agree you have sold out. Life’s a process. Things build and ebb, ebb and build. Sometimes we honestly do need to focus on other things. Sometimes in retrospect they were exactly what we needed. The fact that you are feeling so strongly about this right now signals to me that it is time for you to move on, and focus on your dream as the priority again. But to me, that doesn’t mean you were selling out before. Just had other things to tend to, to learn, to go through, perhaps. Even if some of it was motivated by fear.
For me, life is about choices. Sometimes dreams have to wait, or change, or even be given up on. It’s not always a tragedy. A person who gives up on a dream for awhile because they need to responsibly support their family has made a choice about what matters most at that point in time. Sometimes that might indeed be motivated by fear. But often it is not. Life has phases. I mention this only because I have seen people sometimes make life choices that hurt others very much, in the name of ‘following their dreams’. Life isn’t that simple, in my book.
Which has nothing to do with you following yours, right now, hopefully that is clear. I just wanted to add that other perspective….
Lisa (mommymystic)´s last blog ..The Anti-Dogma Dogma, in Parenting and Spirituality
@Zeenat – I love the way you visualize! Indeed, let’s both not sell out this time, and reach for those skies, my friend.
@Fern – Yes, sometimes we have to take “day jobs” or do other things which support our dream. I think a person only really sells out when they give up on their dream entirely, or settle for something that’s “close enough”, when it’s not really what we wanted. To make choices, to compromise, is not necessarily a bad thing, just as you’ve pointed out here. Indeed, they’re often necessary to get where we want to go. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdome here.
@Tess – Thanks for the words of wisdom! Yes, I’m taking it step by step, one day at a time. When my mother was thinking about going back to school, but was worried that she had waited too late, I told her that in 4 years, she was gonna be 60 years old. She could either be 60 with a degree, or 60 without a degree, but she was gonna be 60 either way. It’s about time that advice got turned around on me!
@Nadia – I’m just thankful that I finally realized the mistake that I had been making over and over again, and can now take steps to correct it. There’s a certain peace that comes from understanding where you went wrong, and finally figuring out how to avoid doing it again.
@Lisa – OK, so I’m gonna go buy The Artist’s Way now. Three times recommended is surely a sign, so I’m gonna follow that sign!
That’s interesting how you said that I had other things to learn. I have felt that really strongly lately. Each of my careers up to this point (including my current job as an editor) have all worked to make me a better writer. Sp perhaps instead of looking at it as “selling out”, it might be more helpful to look at it like cooking. I had to add a lot of different ingredients together, and the soup is just now getting ready to eat. Thank you for that perspective, it’s really helpful.
And yes, I know too many people who have hurt themselves and their families in the name of “pursuing a dream”. It’s tragic. That’s why I never really regretted giving up on being a rock star when my daughter was born. She was more important, and it was more important to me to be a good father than to chase after fortune and fame. Probably the best decision I ever made
Hi Jay,
Might I add to @Mommymystic’s comment, that every decision is valuable in some way and I’m sure your decisions have benefited you to keep you on your path. And, hey, at least you’re laying tracks in the writing profession. You most recent career foray could’ve been in a completely tangential career (the circus? – lol) getting you even further from where you want to be.
The big picture: this is exciting!
How exciting is it so see someone seeing themselves for who they really are.
To see beauty in a friend and colleague at last feeling the hero’s cape on his back (when it’s been there all along).
To feel a friend’s excitement for what is yet to come and for knowing who he really is.
You talked about a Jayism commandment, well, in that vain, I’ll give you a Lorism commandment: Know who you are and live it.
We want you on that wall, we need you on that wall (quoting Jack Nicholson, from “A Few Good Men”)
Because, Jay, “You *CAN* handle the truth!”
You are already a great writer! You are an amazing story teller! Your gift is your words!
I’m psyched to hear you’ve got a plan and are making tracks.
And, as Peter Nivio Zarlenga said, “We will not know unless we begin.”
I’m behind you all the way, superstar.
P.S. I savored every word of this post. Thank you for contributing your writing to my world.
Lori´s last blog ..Are You Hazarding Your Best?
Hi Jay — what are you going to write? I got that there was some interest in fantasy and some in a project that’s more autobiographical. Whatever it is I definitely want to know when it comes out.
Hey Jay!!!
You are already an awesome writer, I really enjoy all your posts because they shine with realness and honestness. Really, I love your writing style, makes me feel like I´m talking to someone and not just listening, so yeah, I believe in you, I know not only will you be an author, but a really great one!
Please don´t forget about me when you´re famous! Oh, you know what you should do? You should include a Princessa (mispelled like this) Rosa somewhere in your stories so I can brag about it to anyone who might listen
And I loved that last paragraph, Im printing it out, it´s beautiful, thanks!
Rosa´s last blog ..Rozanina.com
@Lori – Since I wrote this specifically so you’d have fresh words to read, I’m glad you liked it!
Thank you for your kind comments. I’m sure I don’t deserve that Hero’s cape that you keep trying to put on me, but I’m glad you think I do. In a large part, this decision has been a result of your guidance, so I’m thankful for you in ways that I can only begin to share online.
@Chris – You’ll be among the first to know, my friend! First up is a couple of e-books that I’ve been toying with for a couple of months now on spirituality. After that, I want to work on the fantasy/sci-fi stuff.
@Rosa – Thank you so much, Princesa Rosa! I will definitely name a character after you…and she’ll be the fairest princess in all the land
Hi Jay – Fantastic to hear you’re gonna write. But don’t be too hard on yourself. I’ve (unintentionally, because I don’t think anyone ever does it intentionally) sold out a number of times and it worked out. It actually led me to discover interesting side roads I never would have taken if I’d stuck with the initial plan. And the funny thing is, it all came full circle, got mixed in with the original dream, made it brighter, got it to the point where I actually could go forward with it. So I’m grateful for those side roads. Plus, you said a mouthful here: “I didn’t really believe I was good enough.” Such a constant struggle for us creatives, but I’m betting you’re a lot farther along nowadays. Hey, do you know the book, “Art & Fear?” A wonderful little companion for the journey.
Patty – Why Not Start Now?´s last blog ..Creative Inspiration From Stephen Sondheim
Amen to that Jay
…wish you the best! I look forward to your book signing 
“stay far from timid, only make moves when your heart is in it, and live the phrase sky’s the limit”
Ivan´s last blog ..How To Deal With Conflicts In Communication
Hey Jay.
Your message here about selling out is one that I think many of us agree with. What’s the use in having a long-term goal if you dodge responsibility along the way and decide to give up on a part of it? It isn’t worth setting the long-term goal in the first place, although some small benefits may arise before that point of partial quitting.
We have to look at what we have set out to do, and see if we plan to follow through with it. It is hard to cancel on something we don’t plan to follow through on, but that is much better than doing it a year later. We usually say to ourselves “I should have done X”, and have to understand that setting aside Y may be the only way to get around to X.
It was nice to read this post written by a future professional author.
@Patty – I think you’re right – it’s never intentional. It’s so insidious that it sneaks up on us, and we don’t realize that it has happened until it’s too late. But, also like you said, these side trips can bring their own gifts to the table, leading to a richer, more satisfying experience. I know that, for me, taking this little side trip as an editor was necessary, not only because it helped me see that I would never be happy as an editor, but also because it improved my writing tremendously.
@Ivan – Thank you, my friend! I look forward to seeing you at my book signing
@Armen – You’re right – there’s usually no point in setting a goal if we’re just going to abandon it later. However, like others have said, sometimes plans change, and life gets in the way. When that happens, we have to adjust our goals accordingly.
That’s so strange, because in my eyes you already ARE a best-selling author. The stories you tell here are incredible, and entertain me week in and week out. I understand what you’re saying though. Please cut yourself some slack and know that you had to go through all of that so-called selling out to reach this point, at this time, when all the stars are lining up PERFECTLY to support you in your dream. You couldn’t have done it before – regardless of what any Jayism minister or prophet says. (wink) (PS – LOVE that, by the way.)
There are many of us trailblazing this as we speak – this “published author” route, and you can bet we’ll all help each other along the way. You’re in very good company, Jay! And you’re a phenomenal writer.
Megan “JoyGirl!” Bord´s last blog ..Love Leaves Again
@Megan – Thank you for the compliments and encouragement, my friend. Truly, you are an angel who always knows the exact right thing to say. You’re absolutely right…all the side trips and detours I have taken were necessary to get me here, right where I need to be. Thank you for sharing the journey with me! And as long as you do that, then indeed, I *am* in very good company!
I have made it to your site after reading your comments every where else and people wanting you to write more.
You have got one important thing already, your dream and knowing what you want.
Doing it will carry your dream and then your dream will carry you.
And who is writing your blog BTW, maybe he could be your mentor.
Great to have finally arrived here and I cannot wait to see what will unfold.
Jay, I just found your blog, and I like the message in today’s topic. Like many of the other comments here, I have to agree that you have been progressing on a path to writing. I’m sure you’ve learned much at each step of your career path that will greatly benefit you in your writing.
We don’t all follow the path we expect to get to our final destination. However, most times the journey is just as important as arriving at your destination.
Eric´s last blog ..Get that debt monkey off my back!
Oh Jay, (big hugs) you are precious! The Jayism is a whole story in itself! You are SUCH a good writer and writers always write – as one of your “fans” stated above!
If I shared all my detours, sell outs, and outrageous sagas you would wonder just what the hell has kept me going all these many years. (I wonder myself, haha!) Don’t look back, honey. Not if it is going to undermine your self-esteem. One step at a time, keep focused on where you want to be – like Zeenat, IMAGINE the scenarios you want. You know how to write a book? One paragraph at a time, one page at a time. It’s great you have so much started already! Celebrate that! You are on your way!
Like your Jayism, I have Suzyism – haha! One of my commandments is Thou Shalt Not Pay Retail Price. Another is Thou Shalt Not Beat Thyself Up Over Past Choices.
@Wilma – Thank you for stopping by! lol, yes, that pesky guy who writes my blog, he’s definitely a good mentor. he usually works with younger clients, but I’ll ask him
@Eric – Welcome! Yes, the journey is just as important (if not more) than the destination. That’s actually a theme of mine, of sorts…learning to enjoy the journey, because really, the only destination is the one at the end of life, and I’m in no hurry to get there!
@Suzen – Thank you so much, Suzen! Your comment just totally made my day! And I love Suzyism…those are two very fine commandments you’ve got there! I might have to adopt those for myself
Jay, I’m new to your blog and I’m somewhat late to the comment party. I want to thank you for writing this post and being so open and honest about your life choices and the way you want to make positive change.
I may be embarking on a new adventure soon and I am taking courage from your words to make sure that I do not settle for something “close”. My husband, Donald, and I have spent a lot of time talking about what is most important for us right now, and I am excited to see the decisions we make unfold.
I agree with your other commenters – you are already a writer. Keep following the dream, one day at a time.
Daphne´s last blog ..Who Am I?
I’m glad you’ve found your way to your dreams and have already started. You’re very talented and I’m guessing and hoping you’ll be very successful.
Nice post. I enjoy your writing. I think you are a very good writer, just waiting to be a published author. (oh, wait, you are published. you publish everyday!)
I am guilty of “selling out” my dream of playing Chess to having a safe career. It is not too late yet (even though sometimes I wonder if I wasted critical time.) A few quick questions: do you consider selling out the worst “sin”? would you rather stay true to your dream, however long it takes to achieve it, and in the process sacrifice the welfare of your loved ones? [the last question assumes that the reason for selling out is to take care of the loved ones.]
Thanks for the inspiration!
Steve´s last blog ..CPA Money Friday: Why are you sacrificing the present for the future?
@Daphne – I’m glad that I was able to encourage you to stick to your guns, and not settle for something “close”. I’m excited to see what comes of the decisions you and your husband make, too! Keep us informed!
@Dot – Thank you, Dot! I’m hoping I will be successful, too. But even if I’m not, then I’ll still be proud of myself for trying.
@Steve – Thank you! You’re right…I already am published, because of this blog. I suppose what I really meant was that I want to have a book on the shelves in a bookstore.
To answer your questions: No, I don’t think selling out is the worst sin, especially if the reason is to take care of your loved ones. I’m not sure what the worst sin would be, except maybe taking a called third strike, i.e., not even trying, or giving up. As long as you haven’t given up, then anything is possible.
I would not stay true to a dream to sacrifice the welfare of my loved ones. I gave up my other dream, to be a rock star, when my daughter was born. It was more important for me to be a good dad, and present in her life, than to seek fortune on the road. In those cases, when you have to choose between your dream and your family’s welfare, i think the right thing to do is to put the dream on the back burner for a while until you are no longer needed by your loved ones, and THEN pursue it.
What a raw, honest, inspiring post. Your admission of “selling out” is the hardest step of all. Most people live in denial and wait ’till it’s too late before they realize their mistake. I wish you nothing but the best on your journey. Keep planning, scheming, and dreaming…you’re on the right track!
Jay, I loved this post and your outlook on life, your commandments are great! I smiled when I read you wanted to study English because as someone who DID study English with the same intention it probably is the biggest way to sell out there is! Don’t get me wrong, I did enjoy it, but it really doesn’t foster creative writing at all. You read all the classics at a sickening pace (4-5 per week) then write dry, logical, analytical papers about them testing out theories and proving your thesis on why the great writer did what he or she did. Once, in grad school, I had the opportunity to interview a prize winning author we were studying in class. We had been discussing her book for two weeks. In my interview, I brought up all the theories we had been tossing around regarding her book, her characters, even the title (A Feather on the Breath of God). She had thought of NONE of them!! What a slam that was!
Funny, because before I decided to study English I thought I wanted to be a DeeJay. I was going to be a rocking raw girl deejay who really could really “bring it”, if you know what I mean! It seemed a way to make a living that was filled with excitement and fun, and could nourish my love of music. But I settled for studying English, out of my love affair with writing and for books. (Plus, I could get a “degree” in it.) The love for books got nourished for sure, the love of writing, not so much. I think that’s what happens. Unfortunately, unless you go into an MFA program, I don’t think school is the place to nourish one’s creative writing abilities. But you’ve got a wonderful place right here…
So though you didn’t “officially” study all the classics and write graded (and at times meaningless) papers on them, I think your life experience and your gift with words is worth so much more than any degree. If you publish a book, fiction or self-help, I will definitely buy it! Porsidan is one of my favorite blogs to read.
Cheers,
Miche
Miche Heredia´s last blog ..Accepting Suffering and A Call for Compassion
I don’t think I would ever call you a sell out. Sure sometimes we take the easy way out (shhh…don’t tell, but I was a communications major too…I didn’t want to work that hard in college…). Then I took a job that paid me six figures in a field I had no intention of entering and I HATED IT! Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed the money and lived “high on the hog” without kids. But then something happened. I had my first child and I woke up. I couldn’t do it anymore. I quit. And then I became very depressed. I didn’t realize that my self worth was tied to that income. And when I lost that income I felt that I lost my value as a person. It still bothers me. But now after almost 10 years, I am finally following my heart. And now I won’t live any other way. Even if my decisions defy all logic…I will follow my heart. And when you follow your heart, you never sell out! So…just follow your heart…
And when you publish your first book (which you will) I will be in line to buy it…cuz I know it will be awesome!
Caroline´s last blog ..Simple: Water
Whoa! I fell behind on the comments on this post!
@Jason – Thank you! I hope you’re right…and that the hardest step is behind me. For a long time, I was unsure of what it was that I really wanted to do. Now that I know what it is, I can see where I went wrong before, and I can get myself straightened out.
@Miche – Wow, that’s just incredible. I was a DJ who wanted to study English, and you were an English major who wanted to DJ! That’s a pretty cool coincidence, neh?
My minor was in English, so I didn’t *completely* escape the classics and graded papers. Actually, while reading your comment, I remembered thinking that exact same thing back in college, that a B.A. in English wasn’t the right way to go. I had forgotten that until you just mentioned it.
And than you for your kind words about my blog and any book I might write. It really means a lot, coming from you.
@Caroline – Isn’t it amazing how having kids completely changes your perspective, and your priorities? Before Kyrie was born, all I wanted was to be a rock star. But after she was born, All I wanted was to be a good dad, I didn’t even care if I ever played in front of a crowd again.
I’m so glad that you are following your heart (my copy of your book should arrive any day now)
And I will be sure to follow mine, too. Thank you so much for the reminder!