Last night, my step-mom sent me a link to an online photo album of my daughter’s 7th birthday party. That was the birthday she had a few months after her mom and I got divorced, and it was the last one that I shared with her in person. It was kinda bittersweet to see those images again after so long, because while the party itself was a lot of fun, the time surrounding it was full of sadness. I was busy adjusting, trying to heal, trying to make sense out of life. There were no plans for the future, only the vaguest notion of “get through today, just today.” It was a period of my life where it was one step at a time. Deal with just *this*, and nothing more. It was definitely the darkest period of my life – it was right after I had attempted suicide. Seven years ago.
It’s amazing how much can change in seven years, how much can be accomplished. I have gone so many places, done so many things, and have learned so much over the past seven years. More than most people do in an entire lifetime, I did in seven short years. Things changed on many different levels.
On a professional level, I worked with some great non-profits. I helped grant wishes to adults facing terminal illness. I helped people with disabilities lead more independent lives. I helped women entrepreneurs start their own businesses as a way to empower themselves and get themselves out of poverty. I started my own business, and I watched it crash and burn. I spent some time pursuing my passions, and then I sold out to take a “real” job with the federal government.
On an adventure level, I moved across the country three times in the past seven years. I moved to Chicago, where I had many adventures, and then I moved to Atlanta where I had many more. Finally, I moved to California where I am having the greatest adventures of all (so far). I’ve had so many crazy experiences in all these places – so many grand adventures. Some of them fun, some of them not-so-fun, all of them exciting in their own way.
On a personal level, I learned so much about love, about loss, and about healing. I learned how to open myself up fully to love, despite having been hurt before. I learned how to love unconditionally, and I learned about divine love, spiritual love, and how to become a conduit for love to all of humanity, all of creation. I learned how to love without expectation and to release attachments. I learned that fear is truly the root of all evil in the world, all negativity, and that fear is the opposite of love, of faith. I learned that every choice can be simplified into choosing to react out of fear or act out of love, and that doing the right thing means always choosing love over fear. Even though I sometimes forget these things, and slip into old habits from time to time, they will always be a part of my being.
On a spiritual level, I don’t even think the things I’ve learned can be measured. I’ve gone from thinking that I knew everything to realizing that I knew nothing; from trying to learn everything to realizing that nothing can be learned, only experienced; and from trying to position myself as a teacher to knowing that I’ll always be a student. I’ve gone from thinking that all paths up the mountain were equally stupid, to believing that all paths were equally valid, straight on to thinking that all paths are just illusions, and really the mountain itself is just an illusion. We’re already there…there’s no place to go, nothing that needs to be done. I’ve experienced moments where I was completely calm, at peace, and unified with the entire universe around me, and I have also experienced moments where I felt completely alone and separate from all of creation. There’s a certain truth to both extremes, a truth that I can’t explain but that I know to be there.
So much changed on so many different levels. And so here I sit, seven years later. Completely different, yet still the same person, still me. The one quote that comes to mind is from The Wallflowers’ One Headlight: “Man, I ain’t changed, but I know I ain’t the same.” I’m not who I once was, but I’m the same person. Better now, for lack of a better term. I mean, I know nobody is ever “better” than anyone else or even better than they once were, just different, but I don’t know how else to verbalize the expression of growth.
I wonder how much will change over the next seven years. As my daughter turns 21, what will my life look like? Will it be radically different, or mostly like it is now? Where will I be living, what will I be doing, who will have found their way into my life, and who will have found their way out again? How much personal growth will occur, if any?
Seven years ago, if you had asked me to imagine all the wild and wonderful things that I would experience, I would have been way, way off. My life has exploded in wonderful and magical ways that I never could have imagined. Dreams that I thought were impossible seven years ago have manifested in ways beyond anything I could have ever dreamed up.
There’s no way of knowing what the future holds, but one thing’s for sure: it’s gonna be an adventure. As Helen Keller once said: “Life is either a great adventure, or nothing.” Choose the great adventure, choose life, choose love. You’ll never regret it.
Love always,
Jay
Hi Jay
Wow, what seven years can do…
I too love that song and words by the Wallflowers. Used to love cranking it up… haven’t heard it in ages. Maybe time for a little visit to YouTube or something.
It is amazing, isn’t it how much we can change and grow. Whether 7 years or even 7 seconds can turn us into completely new people. It is all about the decisions we make each and every step of the way. It is all about how will we choose to think now? to represent ourselves? to be?
As we grow in consciousness amazing things happen. And I am glad that you used the word “exciting” no matter how others may label them. Because the truth is, life is exciting no matter what happens, it allows us to get to know ourselves better.
To another amazing 7
no matter how long I know you you never cease to amaze me sometimes. While we don.t see life the same your insights have always made me open my eyes to things I haven’t thought of and my life has been better for having your friendship and your unique views on life.
Thanks for the years of true friendship and heres to many more.
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Evita Ochel, Jay Schryer. Jay Schryer said: New, on Porsidan: Seven Years. http://porsidan.com/seven-years/ [...]
Hey Jay,
Seven years can mean a lot of learning time, especially when you are a child o o person who invests in herself. The rest of the people, I don’t think they change that much. And 7 years, my mind wort of wraps that up as a cycle.
To another amazing 7
I’ve heard that life can be grouped into segments of seven years and I find that to be really true for my own life. It sounds like you’ve seen the same in your life. I’m sure it’s possible, but I highly doubt your life with be the same in another seven years. You seem like the type of person that’s always going to be growing and learning and becoming better and better. Just think of where you’ll be in seven more years!
Simply put, welcome back and thanks for being a part of my most recent year.
Rock on, rock warrior.
~xo
@Evita – You’re absolutely right…7 years or even just seven seconds. It’s all about the present, each step we take carries us forward. Thank you for reminding me of that. And here’s to another amazing 7, indeed!
@Ernie – I love you, man.
@Eduard – Seven years can seem like a long time, or it can go by in the blink of an eye. The past seven years…even the past 14 years…seem to have gone by lightning fast for me. Being a parent will do that to a person.
@Dani – I know, right? I’m constantly in a state of change, flux, and growth. There’s really no telling where I’ll be in 7 years. It boggles the mind, really. So instead of thinking too much about it, I’m just gonna stay as postively present as I can.
@Lori – Thank *you* for being a part of my journey. I’d be lost without you, Lori-Bug!
Wow, you really have had an amazing 7 years. In astrology, 7 is associated with Saturn – it takes 28 (or so) years, for Saturn to circuit a full 360 degrees in our charts, so every 7 years it is hitting a ‘square’ or 90 degrees (maybe you already know all this, can’t remember if you know anything about astrology or not.) Anyway, it’s amazing how many traditions measure our milestones and transits in 7 year phases…
Sorry, I just can’t resist that stuff!!
The main thing is, how wonderful – that all this happened, and that you see it the way you do…Glad to know you!
Hi Jay .. I think my take on this would be to if you can start writing down chapters or episodes (would be a better word) .. ie so that you have a record of what you’ve done .. if you don’t use it yourself .. your daughter will have a record for her to read later in life – a memoire of the 2000s .. etc
Not necessarily an emotional memoire – but events, ideas, thoughts .. encompassing the all .. & she’ll have a chance to get to know you (at least) through your writings .. you can write the personal stuff too .. but keep it separate …
It’s good to know you have so many positives to draw on & your daughter will be so proud of you .. all the best and as everyone says 7 years is a long time – for lots to happen for her in her prime of life .. Have a good weekend .. Hilary
I love how you stop, look back and celebrate your journey. Where you have come from and where you are today in the bigger perspective of life. We are all sometimes just looking forward and aiming up. Instead of being here and now and embracing. And I love how you see that you are a student and that in order to learn you need to experience. You are a very inspiring and profound human being. I am a new reader of yours and am happy I happened to stumble onto your path. I will continue to follow.
Jay –
This is a beautiful post and a reflection of just how much of life unfolds without our being aware of what the future holds. How much is out there for us when we take risks and accept the challenges, and live the opportunities… and face ourselves, living the lives that we are over the lives that are expected of us.
Seven years – it appears to be an amazing seven years…
@Lisa – Thanks for the astrology lesson! I knew about Saturn returns, but I had never thought about the 90 degree angle before. And you’re right, 7 is a magical/mystical number in many different traditions. Almost every religion I can think of treats 7 as a special number. I’m happy to know you, too!
@Hilary – Thank you for the idea. A lot of people have said similar things to me, that I should write memoirs or just jot down notes on all the things I’ve done. Mine has been an incredibly full life, and I’m blessed to have seen the things I have seen and experienced the things I have experienced.
@Mills – Thank you for your kind words. I’m glad you found your way to my site. It had been down for about a month, because I was tired of blogging. I’m glad that I put it back up, because I enjoy meeting new people such as yourself. Thanks for stopping by, and I hope to see you around more often!
@The Exception – It truly has been an amazing seven years. I think you’re right; it truly is remarkable what we can accomplish when we let the Universe guide us and when we have the courage to take the paths that open up before us.
Lovely to see Porsidan back Jay.
I had forgotten about Saturn Returns.. Learnt about it years ago.. Powerful stuff! All the best Jay! 
Jen
Beautiful post and writing. Thank you for sharing your journey, I found it put a great deal of hope into my journey.
@Jen – Thank you, Jen! It’s good to be back.
@Patricia – Thank you for the kind words. I’m glad that my writing is able to give you hope. You’re truly an inspiration to all of us, and I’m honored that you think well of my writing.
I absolutely love this post Jay. It is humble and wise. To know what we know, then realize that we don’t know much of anything. To acknowledge how we’ve grown, who we are and who we are not, who we are yet to become. It’s all so weirdly wonderful, this journey we call life. We are all in flux and I am so happy that you are in this place in life of being ok with knowing, and in the very next second, not knowing. May sound neurotic to some, but it makes sense to me.
I had no idea you were a dad. How great! Or that you had traveled so much and experienced so many wonderful things. You opened my eyes to new vistas of Jay.
Love and be happy,
J
“I learned that fear is truly the root of all evil in the world, all negativity, and that fear is the opposite of love, of faith.”
That is probably the single most important lesson one can learn in life Jay. Bon Voyage Bro.
@Jan – Thank you for the kind words, but mostly, thank you for understanding. So often in life I am misunderstood, to the point where I feel like a complete alien to the human race, so it’s nice to know that someone, somewhere, understands at least a part of me. So thank you for that.
@Jamil – I agree with you that learning the lesson about fear is probably the most important lesson to learn in life. I know that for me, it was a complete game-changer. All of a sudden, I knew why I did the hurtful and harmful things that I had done in my own life, and I also knew why so many other people did harmful things. I saw clearly why bad things happen to good people, and why so many negative things happen in the world. Consequently, I also saw what the world needed, and how we could all work together to make the world a better place. It all comes down to facing fear, and choosing love. If we can master that ourselves, and then teach others to master it for themselves, together we can all make the world a better place.
Hi Jay:
Welcome back…Great post with a great perspective of the last 7 years. I know what you mean about all the changes that can happen over that period of time. So much has changed in my life over that time…though I would say probably not for the better. But every situation in life teaches you something…and let’s just say I’m learning a lot. The Helen Keller quote at the end of your post is one of my favorites and I should probably have that posted all over the place. Great job once again!
@Tim – I love how you say that you’re learning a lot. Sometimes, that’s the best lesson to take out of an experience…at least I learned. So long as you learn, then you’re growing, and it’s a good thing – or at least it’s not a complete loss. And I love that Helen Keller quote, too! I think *everyone* should have it plastered all over!
Hi Jay.
“On a spiritual level, I don’t even think the things I’ve learned can be measured. I’ve gone from thinking that I knew everything to realizing that I knew nothing; from trying to learn everything to realizing that nothing can be learned, only experienced; and from trying to position myself as a teacher to knowing that I’ll always be a student.”
These lines are probably the most true and powerful one’s I have read in a long time.
I think they resonate with me as they are true for me as well. I thought I knew a lot on spirituality only to realize I know little. I learnt that reading and thinking does not equate with experience. Thank u for sharing these thoughts on your learning. Hope u have a wonderful next 7 years as well.
God bless
yes Jay you are right
i just looked back and found major changes happened to me too , i believe by looking back a person can motivate himself to change to the better by knowing that there is hope
thank you:)