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The Magic of Christmas

It should be fairly obvious, but this is a work of fiction. This is a short story I wrote for a good friend of mine, Rosa.

Once upon a time…

Long ago, the elves were the dominant race on Earth. While mankind was evolving from apes and migrating out of the African wilderness, the elves already had several great cities around the world. They were stewards of the land, and lived in close harmony with the animals and the natural world around them. They were highly magical, and they used their powerful magic to maintain the balance of nature. As life flourished under their wise tutelage, magic grew increasingly powerful. The planet teemed with life, and the elves lived lives of bliss and peace.

The elves watched as mankind emerged from the darkness, and became self-aware. At first, they welcomed these new brothers, believing them to be distant cousins to their own race, and they intermingled freely. For thousands of years, the races coexisted peacefully.

Eventually, one tribe of man discovered violence, and man spilled the blood of his fellow man. This sickened the elves, for although they had known the pleasures of hunting animals to maintain the balance of nature, they had never hunted each other, nor had they ever showed violence to each other. The spilling of blood tainted the sons of man, and it tainted the magic of life.

The magical taint spread throughout the elves like a plague, wiping out millions of them, until the last few remaining elves were forced to flee to their last home in the frozen North, far away from the reach of man. There, they watched, and wept as the sons of man spiraled further and further into violence, ugliness, and greed. The sons of man never learned how to harness magic, so they grew to depend on their poison taint to help them achieve all the things that the elves had gotten peacefully.

The sons of man forgot the elves completely, and they forgot the magic in the world, too. As they forgot the magic, the world began to die because life is the product of magic, and without magic, the world can not survive.

The last few remaining elves knew this, because they could feel their own connection to the magic fading away, and they themselves began to die off, with fewer babies being born each year. At long last, they could ignore the situation no longer, and so a great council was held to address the problem.

Many different plans were brought forth, and many ideas were discussed. Finally, the wizened old elf known only as “grandfather” slowly rose from his chair. All the elves fell silent as he hobbled into the center of the room and began to speak:

“It seems to me that the sons of man are not born with the taint of fear that causes them to destroy themselves. When they are still children, they believe in magic, and they believe in miracles. The youngest among them are full of life, and full of magic. Perhaps the way to save magic, and to save all life on the planet, is by finding a way to reach the children.

“We must send an envoy to the sons of man, to learn about their children. We must find out what they like, why they are so full of love and joy, and why they lose their connection to the magic as they grow older. By learning these things, perhaps we can find a way to save them. We cannot send more than one elf. The risk is too great, and there are too few of us already. Moreover, the one we send must be young, and full of our own love and light. For as our envoy travels through the human lands, the taint from the sons of man will age her, and will batter her spirit. This will be a tough journey, full of danger and hardships.”

King Duende stood from his throne and joined Grandfather in the center of the room. “Do you have someone in mind already, Grandfather? For when you spoke, you mentioned her. Which child do you mean to send out to the lands of man?”

Grandfather, with his custom twinkle in his eye, put his arm around the king. “Yes, dear friend. I have just the girl.”

And so it came to pass that Princesa Rosalina Duende, youngest daughter of King Duende, left her home in the Frozen Northlands. She wandered the human lands, learning about children. She watched them play and learn, she watched them grow and lose their connection with magic. After many years of observing, she noticed two things: 1.) The human children stayed young as long as they kept playing. Once they stopped playing, they quickly succumbed to the taint within their blood and grew angry and bitter. 2.) They all believed in magic until they were told that magic didn’t exist. Until they were told that they couldn’t do magic, they all believed in it, and could use it. But once they stopped believing in it, they could never harness it’s power ever again.

Armed with this knowledge, she began working on a plan to increase the amount of time that children spent playing, and to spread the belief of magic. She traveled to many more lands of the humans, always trying to spread the joy of magic and playfulness wherever she went.

In one village, she noticed a lot of smiling, happy children, many of whom were much older than the children from other villages, yet still retained their connection to playing and magic. It quickly became apparent to her that Nicholas, the wood carver of the village was an old man, and yet he was full of life and joy. Even as an adult, he could still use magic. He used his gifts to make toys for the children, which he gave them freely out of love.

By this time, Princesa Duende was an old woman, and so she also noticed that Nicholas lived alone. The friendship was easy, and love came fast upon them both. Nicholas believed her when she told him that she was the Elvish Princess, and that her race lived far to the North, beyond the reach of the sons of man. They lived happily together for a few years, with him making toys for the children in the village while she baked all kinds of treats and goodies for them to enjoy. But eventually, they began to succumb to the taint of mankind, for even the purest of souls must eventually pass away. But no so with the elves, and so Princesa Rosalina Duende prepared them both to travel to the Elvish Kingdom where they could live forever.

The children of the village were sad to see them go, but Princesa had a plan. She told them that Nicholas would come back once a year to bring them toys for as long as they believed he would. On one magical night, in the darkest Winter Night, Nicholas would come to them and leave them presents. To prepare for his coming, they should bring a tree indoors, to honor the old gods of the elves, and they should decorate it with festive lights and family trinkets to honor the fairies of the forest. They should hang their wet stockings above the firepace to dry overnight, and Nicholas would live small gifts for them there as well as under the tree. Lastly, they should thank him by leaving a snack for him to enjoy on his travels. When the children asked how Nicholas would manage such a feat, she simply smiled and said: “magic”. The children knew that the old couple were indeed magical, and so they never doubted.

And so the children followed all of their instructions, and were rewarded handsomely by Nicholas that first year.

Word spread from that village to the next, and to the next, and eventually the story of St. Nicholas spread around the world. During the year, Princesa (now known as Mother Claus to the elvish and human children alike) bakes treats for the human children, and fills the elvish kingdom with love and laughter, while Nicholas makes toys for the children. Many elves help out with this, using magic to fashion exact replicas of toys that are popular with human children from year to year. The magical reindeer help him deliver the gifts, and much joy is brought to the world. To this day, St. Nicholas continues to bring toys to the good boys and girls of the world by using elvish magic and the power of belief.

If there is one slight flaw in the magic, it is simply that St. Nicholas always leaves the same note for Mother Claus:

“Dear Princessa. I’m off to deliver the toys. Back in a bit. Love, Nick.”

“Hmph. After all these years together, he STILL can’t spell my name correctly! It’s PRINCESA…ONLY ONE S!” But then she smiles, and thinks that’s a small price to pay for keeping magic alive in the world.

The End

Paying It Forward

Once upon a time, not so long ago…” ~Bon Jovi

He lost his job in October, and then she lost hers in November. Although they both looked for new ones, there was nothing to be found. When December came, rent couldn’t be paid. They were evicted two weeks before Christmas of that year.

They were ashamed of their failures, both as adults and as parents. They were stubborn in their shame, refusing to tell their family that they were homeless and destitute. They spent a few nights in the car, huddled together with the child between them to keep warm. In some small way, they were also trying to protect her from the reality of their situation.

“Why can’t we go home,” the child asked.

“We just can’t, baby. ok? Please stop asking about it.”

“But I want to go home.”

“I know baby, but we can’t right now. Here, let’s read. Which book do you want me to read to you?”

And so a week passed, or maybe two. They decided to find an abandoned house, and camp there. They drove around until they found one that looked relatively nice and new, and parked in the back so nobody would see their car. He went in first, to make sure nobody was already squatting there, and she followed behind, making sure that she could turn it into something suitable. They brought in some blankets, and some of their belongings. They waited until dark and built a fire in the fireplace to keep warm. She cooked over the fire, and they all enjoyed a good meal. Afterward, they settled down to sleep.

Late at night, lights flashed across the window, and they knew they had been discovered. An angry knock on the door, voices demanding to be let in. He opened the door, and met the owner of the house on the front porch. Anger quickly turned to compassion (thank goodness), but still, they couldn’t stay there. There was a hole in the chimney, and a fire could burn the house down.

But the owners didn’t turn them out into the cold empty handed. No, they gave them cash…a lot of it, and some food. They brought some extra blankets, and gas for the car. They even brought some of the wrapped up presents from underneath their own Christmas tree, so the child would have presents to open on Christmas morning. Extreme kindness from strangers saved them that night.

They split up shortly thereafter, and found homes separately. They found new jobs, and brought themselves up out of poverty into middle class. But they never forgot where they had come from, or the kindness that was showed to them.

And now, so many years later, he is generous to a fault. He gives away most of his money to friends, to family, to strangers on the street. He donates to several different charities on a monthly basis, and always offers to pay for everything when he goes out with friends. He buys presents for people he barely knows, and doesn’t even think twice about it. He buys food for all the homeless people he sees on the street. He always gives money to the street musicians, and he tips his servers exorbitant amounts.

People always ask him why he’s so generous. Why do you give all your money away? Why are you so nice? Why are you so good to me? Why would you spend money like that? What’s the catch? What do you want?

He doesn’t want anything in return. There is no catch. There are no strings attached.

Because he’s paying it forward, and hopes you will do the same. Especially in the holiday season, when his kindness goes into overdrive, he hopes yours will, too.

Love Always,

Jay

Grandpa Comes Home

On December 5th of 1942, The Happy Legend was shot down over New Guinea and exploded when it hit the side of a mountain. All seven crewmen were reported missing in action, presumably killed. One of them was Second Lieutenant William N. Stocking—my grandfather.  He left behind a new bride and a 5-week old baby that (many years later)I would come to know as “dad”.

Over the next 65 years, several attempts were made to locate the crash site and recover human remains. The crash site itself was located in the 1940s, but it was impossible to reach because it was deep in the jungle. In the 1960’s, the army was able to explore the crash site, but the discovery of an unexploded bomb prevented close investigation. The crater caused by the impact was also filled with water and needed to be pumped dry, an engineering feat that wasn’t possible until the 1990s.

Eventually, the bomb was removed safely, and the crater was pumped dry. Pieces of the plane were found along with bone fragments and a few personal items (including some photographs of my grandmother). However, it wasn’t for another 10 years that DNA testing could be used to identify any of the remains.

Two years ago, family members from all seven crew members were contacted, and positive identifications were made for all seven. The identifiable remains from each crewman were buried individually, and the remains that could not be positively identified were placed together in a single casket.

Last week, my family and I attended the official funeral at Arlington.

My dad and step-mom at the funeral with grandpa's flag.My dad and step-mom at the funeral with grandpa’s flag.

My family chose to have my grandfather buried beside the group casket, so it was a double-casket funeral: One for the group, and one for my grandfather’s individual remains. 67 years after his death, my grandfather was finally laid to rest.

My grandmother liked to talk to me about my grandfather. I knew that she loved him, and that his loss was one of the biggest unresolved hurts in her life. Even up until her death about 11 years ago, she still missed Bill.

As for me, I never really missed him, because I never really knew him. But I did miss the (almost certainly idealized) version that my grandmother presented to me. Since I never met my mother’s father either, I never really had a grandpa.

To me, grandpas have always represented conspirators. They slip you a piece of candy when nobody else (especially grandma) is looking. They teach you how to do dangerous things like whittle wood and drive tractors. They take you out of school to go fishing. In short, they take the heat when they get you both into trouble, and they teach you all the things that the other adults don’t want you to learn.

Even though I learned all that stuff anyway, I still always wanted a grandfather. It was never really a stinging loss, or even a noticeable emptiness. It’s not like there was this gaping hole in my heart where a grandpa would fit right in, it was just a faint sense of “wouldn’t it be nice to share this with someone” from time to time. Since I knew that Bill was a war hero, and especially since he flew in planes, I always wanted him. I always wanted him to sit down and tell me war stories, or to tell me about my grandmother when she was younger. I wanted to know him, and to be a part of his life.

When I found out that they had located his remains, and that there would finally be a funeral, it had an unexpected, deeply profound effect on me. I felt such an overwhelming sense of relief and happiness, both for his spirit and for my grandmother’s spirit. I felt like they were finally together after all that time apart, and could find peace in the afterlife. I never realized just how much I missed my grandpa until I attended his funeral.

All of my life, I have believed that it was impossible to miss someone you never knew. It wasn’t until last week that I realized that’s a lie. You can miss someone you never knew, because I have missed my grandpa all my life. I’m so glad that he has finally come home.

Love always,

Jay

Loving It for What It Is

I have another guest blogger today, who will be familiar to many of you. Paul Martin, of Original Faith. At age twenty-three, Paul had a spontaneous experience of the kind of consciousness usually approached through meditation. He went on to receive master’s degrees in religious studies and counseling. For more information about Paul, his free eBook and his book Original Faith: What Your Life Is Trying to Tell You, visit www.originalfaith.com.

Here, Paul uses his experience as a musician to share a very valuable insight with us. Yeah. Paul is my kind of guy…

Loving It for What It Is

Paul Martin

When I was eighteen I got my first drumming gig with Terry and the TJs, a local general business band that played clubs and weddings. I played on and off with them over the next several years, mostly summers. Terry did lead vocals and her husband Joe played keyboard. They’d hire lead guitar and drums.

It was a great way for me to earn money for college – pretty good pay for short hours. And Joe was great at keeping us booked months ahead.

The thing is, it wasn’t nearly as, uh – cool – as I would have liked. Terry and Joe were a middle-aged couple, which is exactly how they came across. Friendly, comfortable with themselves, dependable –this was a big factor in how regularly we got bookings. Heck, they weren’t just friendly they were folksy, which was another thing… I felt that there was way too much country in their repertoire for a drummer with my chops!

It’s true that I was better on drums than Terry and Joe were on vocals and keyboard. Terry sang on key, but didn’t really have pipes. Joe’s keyboarding was passable but pretty rudimentary. But hiring drummers and guitarists who were better musicians than they were was another ingredient to their success.

And as unremarkable as the music was overall, every night there were times when the guitarist would solo and I’d have an absolute blast accompanying him. And making music, even when it’s generally just OK, is still a whole lot of fun…

Like listening carefully to punctuate a guitar riff just right. Or playing a record over and over at home until I’d nailed a tricky fill and got to watch Terry turn toward me and smile the first time I played it at a club. And the way that even a mediocre band shows flashes of brilliance, like when one of their guitarists who hardly ever sang would sing “Georgia” with such a depth of feeling that the dance floor filled out every time.

Most of the activities connected with making music were enjoyable too – like the efficiency with which I’d set up and pack in my kit. Or how I used to stand bent over in the van long before I knew anything about back pain to receive each of the seventy-pound speakers from Joe, flipping one into place and then rotating at the waist for the next.

I appreciated all of it while it was happening, but not nearly enough. It was hard for me to see clearly through the fog of the cooler kind of band I thought I should be with. Big dreams are wonderful – except that I was using mine to look down on my present reality, making me overlook how wonderful it was in its own right.

Is there anyone or anything in your life that you don’t appreciate enough for what it is? What kind of fog gets in your way?

Love Always,

Paul

What Lies Beneath Perfectionism

This is a guest post by my dear friend Lisis of Quest for Balance. I’ve never had a guest post on Porsidan before, and I wanted my “first time” to be special. And what could be more special than inviting my best blogging friend to come share a story with us? Little did I know that the story Lisis would share involved one of her own “first time” experiences, and the repercussions that would last a lifetime…

What Lies Beneath Perfectionism

Most of us realize that when someone is a perfectionist, they are over-compensating for something they feel is terribly wrong. This causes a bit of cognitive dissonance because, on the one hand, everything seems great but, deep down, the perfectionist knows that is far from the truth.

F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote, “The test of a first rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function.”

Cognitive Dissonance is defined as “Maintaining conflicting principles (logically incompatible beliefs).”

When I consider my own varied stages of perfectionism, and my propensity to be both Yin and Yang (Jackie and Heidi), I don’t know what to conclude. Is it genius, or controlled insanity? Can I trace the bifurcation of my mind back to a specific event, or phase in my life, that would explain the dichotomy between my actions and my beliefs, my public and authentic self, what is real and what is not?

I believe I can.

When I was fifteen, I was a stellar student, the “perfect” child, reasonably popular and well-adjusted. I loved my parents, my siblings, myself, and my boyfriend. In fact, like most teenage girls in love, I thought he hung the moon. Then one day, he wanted to take our relationship “to the next level.” I can remember that moment like it was yesterday…every detail (which I’ll spare you) is seared into my brain.

When he brought up the issue of sex, all sorts of thoughts ran through my mind in about ten seconds. My parents would be SO disappointed in me. My older sister was a virgin when she got married. “Good girls” wait until their wedding night! I am supposed to “save myself” for my soul mate (the guy I marry), or I’ll be “damaged goods.” What if I get pregnant? I am supposed to be the good kid; I make all the right choices.

My parents loved me, and wanted me to abstain. My boyfriend loved me, and wanted me to give in. At the time, both “loves” seemed equal in strength, value, and sincerity. How could they each love me, and each want what is best for me, but each want incompatible things from me? I felt like no matter what I chose, I would seriously disappoint someone who loved and trusted me. I started to cry…

He sat up and hugged me, and he started to cry. “No, don’t cry, baby! You know I love you. We don’t have to do this. I’ll just wait for you. I’ll wait as long as I have to. I’m going to marry you.”

That was it.

That was the moment.

Those were the magic words…the phrase that removed the internal conflict. This was where my brain stepped in, and logic gave way to broken logic, and that resulted in my first (but not last) seriously poor decision.

Here’s the gist of my 15-year-old thought process:

He loves me! If he didn’t love me, he’d keep trying to convince me, or he would force me. But he is willing to wait because he IS GOING TO MARRY ME. He said it! It’s as good as a proposal, right? We aren’t married yet, but we WILL be. Why should it make any difference if we have sex now or wait until we are technically married? That’s just a stupid piece of paper. What matters is that we want to marry each other, so I won’t be “damaged goods” for anyone, because I’ll be marrying HIM, my first and only True Love forever and ever (heart, heart, kiss, kiss, hug, hug). Yay!

Conflict Solved… mostly.

I still can’t TELL my parents, because they just wouldn’t understand how certain we are that we’re getting married. But I’ll know in my heart that I DID wait, saved myself for true love, for my husband (to be). Besides (and this is where I started to downplay the significance of what was about to take place) it’s not THAT big a deal. My friends that have done it said it was nothing major. If you really loved him, you’d get over your goody-two-shoes complex and realize that this is it: true love! He’s going to marry me!

And so it was that I came to make this decision that would haunt me for 20 years, and lead to a plethora of crappy choices.

I had talked myself out of my virginity since I was with the guy I was going to marry, so it was no longer an issue I had to fret over, and I didn’t make any effort to conceal it…at school. However, I took great pains to hide it from my parents.

This was the beginning of my public persona (the one adults would see) conflicting with my authentic self. The way I behaved and the things I said I valued did not exactly correspond with my actions behind closed doors. I didn’t like that I had a whole set of emotional issues I couldn’t talk to my mom about. We were like best friends, but I had this HUGE secret.

It didn’t feel right. I had betrayed her trust and, at some level, I wanted her to know it. I wanted to be liberated from my secret. But we did not get caught. Not then, not ever. Instead, we got separated. He got sent off to live with his dad, and that was the end of that. My perfect plan had unraveled before my eyes.

I had not stopped loving him, and he had not stopped loving me. But it was clear we were not going to end up married, living happily ever after. It was becoming painfully clear that I had gambled my virginity on a losing bet. Now I was “damaged goods” and would probably never have a husband. Sounds a bit dramatic, but I was 15. I was distraught and devastated.

My mom wanted to be there for me, but I was still holding that big secret inside. I didn’t want to admit that I had made a mistake. I was already losing his love, I didn’t want to lose hers, too. I would just make up for it by being extra-perfect, and I would take my dirty little secret to the grave.

The Fallout:

I started behaving in self-destructive ways, secretly, while maintaining the appearance of perfection. I smoked, knowing I was asthmatic and it could kill me (maybe hoping it would). I started wishing I could just “not wake up,” so I wouldn’t have to feel the pain in my heart. I was carving my arms with pins, because that superficial, immediate pain that went away, felt better than the deep-down pain that was endless and excruciating.

I was sneaking out at night to go to parties I shouldn’t be at, with people I shouldn’t even know. This other side of me, the secret me, the one that screwed up and was damaged and stupid and worthless… that side of me started to feed on my pain to justify its actions.

But, by all appearances, I was the perfect daughter, the stellar student, the cheerleader, the tutor, the school’s “Most Likely To Succeed.” Academically, I was unstoppable. I wanted to achieve perfection in every possible way to compensate for, what I considered to be, my huge, unforgivable, unretractable mistake.

The guilt of knowing I had betrayed my parents’ trust haunted me for a long time… at least until my parents died. I went on to re-create that guilt-inducing scenario in all sorts of ways in other relationships… maybe hoping to finally get caught. But I still struggled to maintain a perfect image… the OCD beast was rearing its ugly head in an effort to suppress the ever-increasing guilt.

Why am I telling you this?

Maybe you try to keep a perfect exterior to cover up some painful, fractured inner world. Or maybe, you have a “perfect” teenager that seems too good to be true. Or maybe you feel inferior when you are around others who seem to have it all together, and everything going for them.

But nobody is perfect… not you, not me, not our kids, not the people we compare ourselves to. And that’s OK. That is exactly how it’s supposed to be. Trying to hide our flaws, or pretending we don’t have any, is a sure recipe for trouble down the road.

Love Always,

Lisis