Porsidan

“I wanna know what you’re thinking. There are some things you can’t hide. I wanna know what you’re feeling. Tell me what’s on your mind. Pure energy.”

~Information Society

I watched the remake of The Karate Kid last week. I thought it was really good! Mr. Han (Jackie Chan’s version of Mr. Miyagi) had some really good quotes, none of which I could find on the internet, or else I would have used them instead of quoting Information Society above. However, to paraphrase, in one scene, he tells the kid “Kung Fu is in everything we do. How we put on the jacket. How we take off the jacket. How we treat everyone.” In another scene, He tells the kid all about chi, the energy force within us.

Most religions and spiritual traditions have this concept of “energy”. Some see it as internal, some see it as external. Some believe that we can use it to affect the world around us, while others believe that the power to change the world rests solely within the hands of God. It goes by many different names, such as chi, kundalini, magick, light, prana, Divine Love, or even “the Force” from Star Wars, but it’s all energy. Pure energy.

It’s all energy, and it’s all the same kind of energy. Internal, external, arising from within, raining down from God, a mystical field that surrounds us and binds us all together….it’s all just different expressions of this spiritual life-energy.

Energy is always surrounding us. It links us all together, and it flows into us, out of us, and around us all the time. It’s in the air that we breathe, it’s in the food we eat, and the water we drink. But it’s even more than that. It’s in our hearts, in our minds, and in our souls. It is our connection to God, our connection to each other, and our connection to the world around us.

And it’s in everything we do. Everything (How we put on the jacket…). Whether we are conscious of it or not, it’s always there.

When you have a conversation with someone, whether it be in person, on the phone, or over text, you are exchanging energy with them. When you leave a comment on a blog, you are exchanging energy with the person who wrote it. When an artist creates a piece of art, he shares his energy with everyone who views the art. When you appreciate a piece of art, you are giving energy back to the artist. Whenever you interact with another person, you exchange energy with them, and whenever you interact with the world, you exchange energy with it, too.

When you make up your bed in the morning, when you do laundry, when you clean your kitchen…you are using energy to keep your home peaceful and serene. When you do your job, you send energy out into the world. When you laugh out loud, or feel a sudden rush of love swell within your heart, you are broadcasting your energy to the world around you. When you eat or drink, you consume the energy of the animals, plants, and other ingredients. When you use, or consume anything, you also consume the energies that went into making the item.

Using money is another form of energy exchange. Whenever you buy something, or sell something, you are exchanging energy with the other party. When you make a donation to a charity or give money to someone in need, you are exchanging energy. I know that many people want to believe that money is the root of all evil in the world, but it isn’t. Money is just another form of divine love.

Throughout the universe, divine energy is revealed to us through science. Two hydrogen combine with one oxygen to give us water, the precious gift of life. We breathe in oxygen and breathe out carbon dioxide, which the plants and trees use to create oxygen for us. All physical matter is held together through atomic energy. Inert substances bond together to form complex chemicals, which in turn bond together to form life itself. Opposing physical forces keep the Earth in perfect orbit around the sun, assuring us that we will neither get shot out into space nor fall into the sun. Gravity keeps us anchored to our home planet, while heat and combustion allow us to propel ourselves out into space.

All the physical properties of our world are a reflection of God’s love for us. The world, even the Universe itself, works to take care of us, to support us, to love us. The Universe is a wonderful, magical beautiful home designed specifically to nurture us and help us grow.

Energy is inside us, too. It keeps our heart beating without us even thinking about it. It regulates our breathing and our immune system. It controls cell division, carries our thought waves through our brains, and spins our chakras. We can harness that energy, and use it to affect ourselves and the world around us. We can use meditation to calm our minds and focus our intentions, and we can use reiki, yoga, or other energy-based systems to heal our minds and our bodies.

We can use our energy, either alone, or with the guidance of God, to heal others, to attract the things we desire into our lives (intentional manifesting), to affect our environment, or even to heal the world. From miles away, we can mend broken hearts, lift fallen spirits, or turn a bad mood around.

And, oh yes, we can love. We can LOVE! We can love the people in our lives…our children, our parents, our friends, our families. We can even love people that we have never met. The love we have for each other, for children and friends and family…that love, it doesn’t really come from us. It’s another expression of Divine Love, of energy. It’s around us all the time, surrounding ALL of us and connecting ALL of us together, to each other. It connects you to the ones you love and the ones you care for, but it also connects you to people you don’t know or haven’t met yet. It even connects you to people you actively dislike, and even to people you hate (if you do that sort of thing).

Love is always a choice. We don’t “fall” into love. It’s not an accident. What happens is this: We meet someone, and some part of us recognizes our connection with them on a subconscious or even unconscious level. At some point in getting to know them, we open our hearts and the love (energy) that was already there comes flooding in and fills up our hearts.

We often make the mistake of believing that it is “us” who are doing the loving, but really it’s God, working through us.

Sometimes we acknowledge our connection with another person, but we don’t open or hearts because of fear, anger, or pain. We keep our hearts closed, and we don’t allow the love to enter our hearts. Sometimes, we allow the Love in for a while, but then we change our minds and close our hearts to that particular connection. But the love is still there; the energy is always there. As the physicists tell us, energy is neither created nor destroyed, it only changes form. So even if you close your heart, the love is still there on the outside.

Do you see? Everything is energy, everything is love. Everything is LOVE! Particle physics, astronomy, quantum mechanics, chemistry, mysticism, religion, communication, solar energy, fossil fuels, money, creativity…it’s all expressions of divine love. It’s in everything we do, how we take care of ourselves, how we take care of each other, and how we care for our world. It’s how our world takes care of us. It’s how God (no matter how you envision Him/Her/It to be) takes care of us, and how we come to know God.

Love Always,

Jay

PS – I had originally planned to talk more in depth about fear, anger, pain…the “dark side of the Force” in this post. But it was entirely too long, so I decided to cut that part out, and make this a two-part post. In my next post, I’ll cover how all of that crap works, share my own experiences with it, and let you know how you can protect yourself from negativity in all it’s forms.

“The years rolled slowly past,
And I found myself alone.
Surrounded by strangers I thought were my friends,
I found myself further and further from my home.
And I guess I lost my way.
There were oh so many roads.
I was living to run and running to live.
Never worrying about paying, or even how much I owed…” ~Bob Segar

My good friend Sunny over at AbubakarJamil.com invited me to participate in his crazy idea about things we wished we had known earlier in life. I agreed, because, well, he’s Sunny. And I love him. I’m easily convinced that way.

Life is kinda like a maze. There are many paths through the maze, and little pieces of cheese (good things, experiences, or people) scattered throughout. Every decision we make takes us down a new path, but all of them are equally valid. If you get sidetracked, or turn left when you really should have turned right, you might miss the cheese along the original path, but there will be other pieces along the new path. Sometimes you’ll find that the new path doubles back and you get the original cheese anyway.

On a side note, I think I’m gonna go grab a piece of cheese to eat. Real cheese. Not metaphorical cheese. Be back in a sec…

OK, I’m back. Where was I? Oh yeah. The Maze of Life.

The main difference between life and a maze is that there are no dead ends. Well, except that one at the end, but that’s a different story. What I mean is that there aren’t any dead ends along the way. There’s no place where you have to stop, go back, and retrace your steps. Which is good, because you can’t stop and retrace your steps. Until someone figures out time travel, you can only move forward through the maze. No stopping, no going back, and no jumping forward. Just a slow, steady pace until you get to the end.

So what happens when you come to a wall? A perceived dead-end? Well, you have two options. OK, well, three, technically speaking. But the third option isn’t really that great, so let’s just stick to the first two. You can either bust through the wall, or you can find a way around it. My advice to you is this:

If you hit a wall, look for the path around it instead of busting your way through it.

This is something that I’m just now starting to learn, and I really wish I had learned it much, much earlier in life. Like at birth. If this could have been in the instruction manual along with my afterbirth, that would have been awesome. What? What do you mean there’s no instruction manual?! No wonder my parents screwed me up so bad!

My whole life, I have been taught to bust through the wall. Smash it to smithereens. Obliterate the obstacle. This is the way of the warrior, and it is highly respected in most cultures. It’s the way of the Samurai, the medieval knight, the gunslinger. I have always admired these kinds of people and wanted to emulate them. So, I became a warrior, a fighter. Whenever something came up, whenever there was an obstacle or an opponent, I just busted right through it. Sword blazing, teeth flashing, a blood-curdling yell on my lips. Fight! Attack! Charge! As Jim Morrison would say: “Break on through to the other side.“

However, about six months ago, my perspective changed. I learned that you don’t have to break down the walls. You don’t have to smash the obstacles. I learned that if you just sit quietly with yourself, and look at the wall from many different angles, different perspectives, you can find a path around the wall. There’s always a way around the wall, you just have to be patient and let it reveal itself. Sometimes you realize that the wall itself is just an illusion, and all you have to do is have faith that God/The Universe will help you step through it, if only you will step up to it. And sometimes, if you just wait long enough, the wall disappears all on its own.

This is the path of peace. It’s the path of Ghandi and the Dalai Lama. It’s gentle, and nurturing. Most importantly, it leaves the cheese on the other side of the wall intact and ready for you. You see, when you smash through the walls, it creates dust, debris, and maybe even shrapnel that can damage the path ahead, and hurt or even completely destroy any cheese that might be waiting for you.

So younger me/still young you…that’s the advice I wish I had gotten sooner. I wish that I had known that there was a different way, a more peaceful way, to go through life. I think that I’d still be the person that I am now, but maybe I wouldn’t feel so…tired. Maybe my depression wouldn’t be quite as bad as it is, and maybe I wouldn’t be ready to retire. Because, you see, I *am* ready to retire. I’m ready to retire from fighting.

I’m tired of fighting, I’m tired of struggling. I’m tired of running against the wind. I’m tired of being a warrior. I think I finally understand what it means to be a Peaceful Warrior, and so I’m gonna try to do that from now on. I’m tired of conquering life, I want to embrace it instead.

Love always,

Jay

PS – Yes, I have read “Way of the Peaceful Warrior“, and yes, I realize that I should probably read it again.

“I’m only a man,
In a funny red sheet.
I’m only a man,
Looking for a dream.

I’m only a man,
In a funny red sheet.
And it’s not easy…

Its not easy to be…me.”

~Five for Fighting, Superman

Lori, over at Jane Be Nimble, calls me her hero. It’s sweet; it’s endearing. Even though I tell her all the time that I’m no hero, she does it anyway. Cause that’s what friends do. They help you see the best in yourself, and help you live up to it.

But I’m not a hero. Not by a long shot. The people who serve in our armed forces (Like Lori herself did) are heroes. Firefighters and police officers are heroes. Doctors, nurses, and other medical professionals are heroes. Teachers are heroes.

Me? I’m just a man. A good man, perhaps, but just a man. There’s nothing heroic about me. I don’t keep people safe, I don’t save lives, or change them in any significant way. That’s what heroes do: They make the world a better place for all of us. They don’t make little ripples, they make a huge splash.

Superheroes are heroes who make even bigger splashes. I grew up reading comic books, following the exploits of Superman, Batman, the X-Men, and others of their ilk. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a superhero. Superman was my favorite (still is), but others were good too. Perhaps being a comic-book superhero is impossible, but there are plenty of real-world superheroes.

Mother Teresa was a superhero. The Dalai Lama is a superhero. Ghandi was a superhero. These people set the whole world on fire, in a good way. Those are real-life superheroes.

The thing that has always stuck with me about superheroes is the lonely life they lead. Both in comic books and the real world, superheroes are often alone. Dedicated to their work, dedicated to humanity as a whole, they sacrifice their personal relationships and friendships. They love the whole world, which prevents them from getting too close to individuals.

Do you think the Dalai Lama ever gets lonely? Do you think, in the darkest night, he reaches his hand out, searching for a lover that has never been there? Do you wonder if he misses having grandkids to bounce on his knee, or just a friend to sit on the front porch and drink sweet tea with?

And I know…you’re not supposed to think like that. If one were to ask him, he would say something wise and enlightened like “All children are my grandchildren” or “I experience love by loving all people equally” or something like that. Of course he would say that. Still, I wonder… is it true, in his heart of hearts?

It must be lonely to be a superhero, even an enlightened one.

I think that’s why I identify with superheroes, both in comic books and in real-life. I feel their pain; I know what it means to be lonely, to be different, to be an outsider. I know what it means to be misunderstood, to be taken for granted. I know what it means to be excluded, to be on the outside looking in on life. Oh yes, I know these things intimately. It’s just about the only thing I have ever known in my life. As Meatloaf once sang, “Maybe I’m lonely. It’s all I’m qualified to be.”

And I think, maybe I’m just meant to be lonely. I’m not a superhero, but maybe, like them, I am meant to love humanity as a whole instead of individually. Maybe I should give up on romantic love, and just share spiritual love with all my brothers and sisters around the world. To spread the love of the divine through teaching or spreading loving kindness or doing good deeds for people in need. To show people that we are all children of the same Universe.

Maybe that’s what I’m supposed to do, but I lack the courage and the strength to be a superhero. I don’t want to be alone anymore. I’m tired of being isolated, of being excluded. I’m tired of being left behind and watching everyone else having fun from a distance.

I want to fit in, to belong. A home. I just want a home. Like Hercules (the Disney version) said, “I would give most anything to find where I belong.”

Love always,

Jay

Last night, my step-mom sent me a link to an online photo album of my daughter’s 7th birthday party. That was the birthday she had a few months after her mom and I got divorced, and it was the last one that I shared with her in person. It was kinda bittersweet to see those images again after so long, because while the party itself was a lot of fun, the time surrounding it was full of sadness. I was busy adjusting, trying to heal, trying to make sense out of life. There were no plans for the future, only the vaguest notion of “get through today, just today.” It was a period of my life where it was one step at a time. Deal with just *this*, and nothing more. It was definitely the darkest period of my life – it was right after I had attempted suicide. Seven years ago.

It’s amazing how much can change in seven years, how much can be accomplished. I have gone so many places, done so many things, and have learned so much over the past seven years. More than most people do in an entire lifetime, I did in seven short years. Things changed on many different levels.

On a professional level, I worked with some great non-profits. I helped grant wishes to adults facing terminal illness. I helped people with disabilities lead more independent lives. I helped women entrepreneurs start their own businesses as a way to empower themselves and get themselves out of poverty. I started my own business, and I watched it crash and burn. I spent some time pursuing my passions, and then I sold out to take a “real” job with the federal government.

On an adventure level, I moved across the country three times in the past seven years. I moved to Chicago, where I had many adventures, and then I moved to Atlanta where I had many more. Finally, I moved to California where I am having the greatest adventures of all (so far). I’ve had so many crazy experiences in all these places – so many grand adventures. Some of them fun, some of them not-so-fun, all of them exciting in their own way.

On a personal level, I learned so much about love, about loss, and about healing. I learned how to open myself up fully to love, despite having been hurt before. I learned how to love unconditionally, and I learned about divine love, spiritual love, and how to become a conduit for love to all of humanity, all of creation. I learned how to love without expectation and to release attachments. I learned that fear is truly the root of all evil in the world, all negativity, and that fear is the opposite of love, of faith. I learned that every choice can be simplified into choosing to react out of fear or act out of love, and that doing the right thing means always choosing love over fear. Even though I sometimes forget these things, and slip into old habits from time to time, they will always be a part of my being.

On a spiritual level, I don’t even think the things I’ve learned can be measured. I’ve gone from thinking that I knew everything to realizing that I knew nothing; from trying to learn everything to realizing that nothing can be learned, only experienced; and from trying to position myself as a teacher to knowing that I’ll always be a student. I’ve gone from thinking that all paths up the mountain were equally stupid, to believing that all paths were equally valid, straight on to thinking that all paths are just illusions, and really the mountain itself is just an illusion. We’re already there…there’s no place to go, nothing that needs to be done. I’ve experienced moments where I was completely calm, at peace, and unified with the entire universe around me, and I have also experienced moments where I felt completely alone and separate from all of creation. There’s a certain truth to both extremes, a truth that I can’t explain but that I know to be there.

So much changed on so many different levels. And so here I sit, seven years later. Completely different, yet still the same person, still me. The one quote that comes to mind is from The Wallflowers’ One Headlight: “Man, I ain’t changed, but I know I ain’t the same.” I’m not who I once was, but I’m the same person. Better now, for lack of a better term. I mean, I know nobody is ever “better” than anyone else or even better than they once were, just different, but I don’t know how else to verbalize the expression of growth.

I wonder how much will change over the next seven years. As my daughter turns 21, what will my life look like? Will it be radically different, or mostly like it is now? Where will I be living, what will I be doing, who will have found their way into my life, and who will have found their way out again? How much personal growth will occur, if any?

Seven years ago, if you had asked me to imagine all the wild and wonderful things that I would experience, I would have been way, way off. My life has exploded in wonderful and magical ways that I never could have imagined. Dreams that I thought were impossible seven years ago have manifested in ways beyond anything I could have ever dreamed up.

There’s no way of knowing what the future holds, but one thing’s for sure: it’s gonna be an adventure. As Helen Keller once said: “Life is either a great adventure, or nothing.” Choose the great adventure, choose life, choose love. You’ll never regret it.

Love always,

Jay

So apparently this whole “I’m not gonna blog anymore” thing didn’t stick. I missed this space; I missed interacting with my readers. I missed you!

I rescued some of my previous articles from my RSS feed. I picked a few of my favorites, as well as some others that were the favorites of some other people. Not everything I wanted to keep could be rescued, but that’s OK. It just means that I get to write those articles again, with a new perspective

I’m not sure what, if anything, I’ll do differently this time around. Maybe Porsidan v 2.0 will be radically different, or maybe it’ll be exactly like it was before. Most likely, it will be something a little different, but not too much. After all, I’m still *me*, and this is still my space. I do know that I plan on focusing a lot more on spirituality and music, and particularly on the places where they meet. The Holy Church of Rock N Roll lives here.

Porsidan is dead. Long live Porsidan.

Love always,

Jay