Photo by Tiseb
Day 1: Realized that I can’t meditate first thing in the morning. Don’t want to get out of bed, much less meditate. Decided to wait until early evening hours. Meditated for 10 minutes before dinner. Here are some random thoughts/actions: My nose itches. scratched it. Dammit! I’m not supposed to move. OK, I moved. Resume breathing. I have nothing to post on Wednesday, and right when I said…dammit! Thinking is not meditating. OK, resume breathing. Breathe in…breathe out…breat….My back hurts. I haven’t been paying attention to my posture lately perhaps meditation will hel…dammit! OK, resume breathing. Breathe in…breathe out….Seriously, my back hurts. Should I change positions? No! No moving! Thinking again…dammit! OK, Breathe in…breathe out….
Day 2: Ahh…focused meditation. Thanks, Roger! The counting definitely helped reign in the stray thoughts. I had several, but nowhere near as many as yesterday, and counting while breathing helped me return my focus more quickly. I almost fell asleep today, though. I think that had more to do with trying to meditate after dinner. Yesterday, I was hungry when I meditated, so I waited until after dinner today. I think that was worse than being hungry.
Day 3: I decided to try for 15 minutes today. I ended up taking a peek at the timer with two minutes left. Before that, though, this was another “not so good” meditation. It started off well, but then I started thinking about my visit to the civic center today, and then my brain just would not shut up! I was able to reign it in for a few moments, but then it would start back up again, and I’d have to reign it in again…a real back and forth struggle! At least the thoughts that came were happy memories.
Day 4: I didn’t want to meditate today, and if it hadn’t been for the 30 day trial, I probably wouldn’t have. But, I did, and I’m glad I did! It turned out to be a pretty good session, and the 15 minutes ended too soon. My thinking was under far more control today, and I didn’t have any problems with run-away thoughts. Also, my back felt fine today, which was a relief. I did get thirsty, though, and had to lick my lips a few times. I’m not sure if that’s “cheating” or not, but I couldn’t have stopped it if I tried, I don’t think. I got bored with counting today, though, so at a few times, I would instead say: “In with the positive” on the in breath, and “Out with the negative” on the out breath. Between that and the counting, the session went by much “faster” than the previous ones. Still, I’m not sure if that counts as “cheating” either. Hmm….
Day 5: I almost forgot again today, and when I remembered, I *really* didn’t feel like meditating at all. I’m thankful for the 30 day trial, because it holds me accountable. This was a childish reaction today: “I don’t want to meditate and you can’t make me!” So I think my inner child is fighting against the self-imposed discipline. I made myself do it though, and it turned into a not-bad session. Lots of random thoughts, but no lingering “follow the thought trail” experiences. Towards the end, time seemed to slow down to a crawl, and I ended up peeking at the timer with two minutes left. I tried to start over, but my inner child won the second round, and I ended up quitting 30 seconds before “official” ending time. Overall, not perfect, but still good.
Day 6: Tough session today! A thought train derailed, and led me into an intense emotional upheaval. Lots of anger and frustration…almost had to quit early. I wanted to quit early, but I forced myself to acknowledge the turmoil, and then I focused on releasing the pain, and then I went back to counting. The pain in my back returned again today, so not sure what that means.
Day 7: Wow. I made it my whole first week! I’m impressed, especially since there were a couple of days that I just flat-out did NOT want to meditate, but I did it anyway. Score one for willpower! My back didn’t hurt today, but I got a crick in my neck, and that was just as painful (and distracting – lots of pain-related thoughts today). However, my other thoughts seemed a lot calmer than normal. I still haven’t noticed any real “space” between my thoughts, but at least they’re not overwhelming me now. The time went by faster today, so I think I’m adjusting to the 15 minute timer. I may move up to 20 minutes after next week. I want 15 to seem “too short” before adding those extra 5.
Week One Wrap Up:
After reading back over my daily experiences, this has been one one roller-coaster of an experiment so far! I’m glad I’m doing it, though. If nothing else, I’m learning just how many millions of thoughts I have every day! Even when I’m meditating, and trying to slow them down, it’s still very much rapid-fire upstairs. I think it’s finally (as of today) starting to slow down just a little, but it’s still zoom zoom zoom with the thought machine. I am noticing that I am more peaceful immediately after my sessions, and so I think that’s a good beginning.
Here’s to week 2!
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This sounds very typical. You did a good job. If corraling those thoughts were easy, we’d all be meditating all the time. My therapist once asked me why I said that I didn’t have the energy sometimes to meditate, and I said, “Because it’s hard work to stay in the process.” It is hard work in the beginning, and I’ve never gotten past the beginning.
I think rather than increasing to 15 minutes, you might well have decreased to 5 minutes for the first week or more. There’s no rush. Also, who said you can’t move? I guess it depends on what practice you’re coming from. With fibromyalgia, I have to move or I’ll stiffen up and wind up with a lot of pain for that day.
Dot’s last blog post..You Want What?!?
Jay,
You’re doing great! It’s really helpful to me to read about your experiences. Here is some additional advice for you:
1) Try not to judge whether the meditation session is good or bad. If you sit for the time you decide and you make a sincere effort, that is enough.
2) Your mind will definitely wonder. It’s no big deal – just begin counting again.
3) You had an experience where you were bored and you switched to saying something else. Your thought about being bored is just another thought. Just let it go by and keep counting.
4) You had an intense emotional upheaval during one session. This can be kind of scary, but you handled it perfectly. Just let it go and keep going. This is actually a sign of good progress because it means your mind is calm enough that things you don’t want to think about can surface. I know it doesn’t feel good, but it’s healthy.
5) I have days I don’t want to meditate also. I just do it anyway because I realize the long term benefits are awesome. Just think of it like physical exercise. You have to do it regularly to get the benefit.
6) The physical pain you feel is typical in the beginning. You will find it diminishes as your body gets used to the posture and you become better and adjusting your posture. You might want to do a little stretching before you start meditating.
I hope this helps you and the others that read it!
Roger | A Content Life’s last blog post..Silence and Solitude
@Dot – Thanks for your input, and encouragement! At first, I thought about doing just 5 minutes, but I have done five minutes before for a while, and I never noticed any change. That’s why I started with 10, and moved up.
@Roger – Thank you! This is most helpful information!
I never thought about being bored being just another thought. Hmm, I’ll have to meditate on that someday
And so the emotional upheaval day was a good thing? That’s comforting to know. I was halfway scared that I had broken my psyche!
I’m very impressed by this. I keep saying I’m going to try meditating, but I never seem to do it. Even when I have time, I choose to do something else. I really think it could be beneficial for me so I need to get to work on it!!
Positively Present’s last blog post..9 ways to walk in your own shoes
Haha.. Sounds like my first week. Way to go Jay, I’m excited to hear what week two is like.
David cain’s last blog post..How to Be Grateful When You Don’t Feel Like It
Congratulations on your first week and not missing one day!
Your first day read pretty funny – reminded me of my first two weeks!
Thanks for sharing your experience.
Laurie | Express Yourself to Success’s last blog post..The Strength of Kindness
@Dani – That’s what I told myself for a long, long time before I finally decided to get serious about it. Like everyone keeps telling me…there’s no rush. You’ll start when you’re ready
@David and @Laurie – Thanks for the encouragement! I’m glad to know I’m not alone in my trials and tribulations!
Jay! You are doing great. I had to giggle at times… I remember being in a 1 1/2 meditation session…all those random thoughts (my leg is falling asleep, my nose itches, I’m thirsty, i’m bored, opening one eye to see if other people in the room were doing, etc.) can drive you crazy. After while, you begin to learn how to “sweep” the thoughts aside. I imagine a box, and put my thoughts in the box “for later” and that helps me a bit. I will say, I much prefer guided meditation over pure silence.
Caroline’s last blog post..Soulful Sunday
Thanks, this is an inspiring read. One thing I’ve found about thoughts that come up in meditation is that if I tell myself “no, shut up, I’m not supposed to be thinking,” they’ll only get louder, and it’s more helpful for me to just let them pass.
Hi Jay!
Sounds like the typical week of a person meditating for the first time.
So you are on the right track, my friend. I look forward to see what week 2 brings!
Nadia – Happy Lotus’s last blog post..India – The Jewel In The Crown
This was great! Have you read Eat Pray Love? I only mention it because she has a section where she describes learning to meditate that is somewhat like this, and speaks to us all, I think. I won’t add any more meditation advice as I think you are getting plenty, and as in anything, overload brings its own problems. But yahoo for 7 days!!
Lisa (mommymystic)’s last blog post..When Parents Lie to Children – Excerpt from Original Faith by Paul M. Martin
@Caroline – Thank you for the suggestion. I like the idea of “sweeping” the thoughts aside…I’ll have to remember that one!
@Chris – Thank you! When I read your post today on The Change Blog, it really helped me gain some insight.
@Nadia – Thanks! I’m glad to know that it sounds “typical”. It helps me think that maybe I’m not such a weirdo after all
@Lisa – LOL, that’s the second time you’ve recommended that book to me! I think I’m gonna have to make a special trip to the bookstore just to pick it up! Thank you for the lack of advice, it *is* getting a little overwhelming…
Well done Jay! It’s tough in the beginning but you’re pushing through it and realizing the benefits already that’s great! I enjoy reading your experiences with this it’s great keep it up
Awesome, Jay. I had a really similar experience when I started meditating. Good on you for pushing through. Your site is very peaceful, by the way.
Writer Dad’s last blog post..Meme Oh My-O
[...] studied and practiced focused meditation. Jay of Porsidan has been blogging about this tutorial. Jay had some interesting experiences and problems with focused meditation. I’ve excerpted some quotes from Jay’s post and added my comments below. …I almost fell [...]
@Sherri – Thanks for the encouragement! I’m glad you’re enjoying reading about this. I was afraid that everyone would find it incredibly boring!
@Writer Dad – Thank you! I try to make everything I do as peaceful as possible…my online home and my “real world” home, too. I’m a big fan of simplicity.
Congratulations on keeping your commitment for the first 7 days! I had a few emotional break downs before when meditating. I even ended a session with tears streaming down my face and no clue why. I learned meditation in a Buddhist sangha; the teacher assured me (and the concerned people around me) that this *is* normal.
Looking forward to week 2’s report
Ann Elise’s last blog post..my mom, the american dream
@Ann Elise – Thank you for sharing that. It’s nice to know that I’m not alone. Even though there were no actual tears for me that day, it still threw me for a loop.
Loving the new look site! BEAUTIFULLY DONE!This is the kind of thing I was visualising when I made my gauche blurt last time I visited. How does it feel now when you log on?
I have some rebellious advice for you on meditation, for those days when you don’t feel like it. As you’re lying in bed in the morning, rotate your foot and think how lucky you are that it moves. Raise your leg a few inches and focus on how good it feels to have that power. Wiggle your fingers and be glad you can. Snuggle your face into the pillow and feel the warmth of it, its softness on your face. When you have a shower, enjoy the refreshing sensation and heat of the water and the fragrance of the soap, the miracle that is your body as it’s standing there, functioning all by itself without you telling it what it has to do to stay alive. When you eat breakfast, savour every mouthful, the first rush of coffee, each texture and the taste of every mouthful.
Being present in everything you do, with no rush towards ‘doing it right’ turns your whole life into one glorious, living breathing meditation. You’re doing great,Jay. The blogs you choose to follow and support are like a daily meditation practice, too. So is the writing you do. Inspiration comes in the spaces between our words just like the silence between the thoughts gradually deepens in meditation.
janice’s last blog post..Poetry, Wedding Vows and Gift Ideas for Loved Ones
[...] (To Jay, over at Porsidan.) [...]
I love your week of meditation. I think it’s normal for a beginner. It only gets better, keep it up! I also love what Janice has to say. Love it in fact!
Tess The Bold LIfe’s last blog post..Bold Spontaneity In California
@Janice – Thank you! That’s certainly some good advice, and I intend to follow it as much as possible!
@Tess – Thanks for your encouragement. Janice’s advice *is* great, isn’t it?
[...] a heartfelt and honest voice. He is currently in the middle of a 30-day meditation challenge, and shared his first week’s results. Stop by and encourage him! He is on Twitter at [...]