My good friend Lisis and I were talking about the meaning of life on Facebook a couple of weeks ago, and I shared the following opinion. As with all things Jayism, I don’t claim that this is THE truth, or even “a” truth. It works for me, it might not resonate with you. If you dig it, that’s cool, and if you don’t, that’s cool too. If there is one commandment in Jayism, it’s this: Find your own truth. So without further ado, here is the meaning of life, according to Jayism:

In the afterlife, everything is peace and love and good happiness stuff. There’s no anger, no fear, no jealousy. There’s no miscommunication, because everyone knows exactly what is in everyone else’s soul. Your spirit is intimate with every other spirit. Everyone knows everything about Life, the Universe, and Everything. There’s no questions, no answers. It’s beautiful and peaceful, full of light and love.

It gets old after a while. trust me. I’ve been there. There’s only so much “enlightened awareness” that a soul can take before going totally bonkers with boredom.

So we all got together, and invented this really cool game called life. We created a physical reality for ourselves, and we built rules and systems to make it function. We then agreed to follow those rules while we are in the physical world, and to forget everything we know about the “real” world. It makes the game more interesting, you see.

I’m pretty sure the first conversation went like this:

“Whatcha doin?”

“I’m creating a new world.”

“Bo-ring. Aren’t you tired of that by now? I haven’t created a new world in ages.”

“No, this one will be different. In this one, we won’t be able to do anything we want. We’ll have…um…um…like we need to invent a word that means “You can’t do whatever you want whenever you want.”

“Like the opposite of omnipotent? That doesn’t even make sense. How can there be an opposite to existence?”

“Dude! That’s it!! We need a world that is completely opposite from reality! Like there will be things we can’t do. There will be things we can’t experience. There will be things we don’t know!”

“Can’t? Won’t? You’re not making any sense. In fact, you’re starting to creep me out a little bit, which is odd, because until just now, I never experienced such a thing.”

“Chill. I got this. Check it out. The problem with creating new worlds has always been that we choose to experience them in our astral bodies. No matter what we create, it always ends up being the same, because we’re the same. There’s no challenge that we can’t meet, no obstacle we can’t overcome. We need a world where our minds and bodies don’t work…at least not completely.”

” You mean like we pretend we’re broken?”

“Yeah. Exactly. We pretend that we are broken. It’ll be fun!”

“Cool. Let me help…”

And so we created this physical universe, and we placed this world called Earth in it. We agreed to be physically born into this world, and in that process, we gave up our powers and our knowledge of the other side. We agreed to be bound by physical laws, and to be separated from each other. We agreed that we would feel happiness and sorrow, love and loss, fear, pain, uncertainty, and doubt. We even agreed to forget that it was all just a game, so that we would believe that it was all real.

There are no winners or losers in this game. The only person you are competing with is yourself, and the only point is to beat your own high score. You earn points by loving others, by becoming more caring and compassionate, and by overcoming adversity and fear in a positive manner. You also earn points by reconnecting with your true essence, by becoming more like the all-powerful and all-knowing being you really are. Peaceful, kind, and loving acts earn you points, while hurtful, selfish, or fear-filled acts cause you to lose points.

The ultimate goal is to remember and reconnect with your true self…the being you are on the other side. Doing that earns you a ton of bonus points, and makes it easier to gain points.

At some point, the game ends, and you go back to the other side, where you tally up your points, go through a peer-review process (Duuuude, I can’t believe you passed up that promotion! What were you thinking?!? Me? What about you and that girl?! Total fail!), and rest and relax for a while.

Until you get bored, and then you come back for another round. Game on!

Love always (it gets you lots of points!),

Jay

I never meant to cause you any sorrow,
I never meant to cause you any pain.
I only wanted one time to see you laughing -
I only wanted to see you laughing in the purple rain.

Purple rain, purple rain.
Purple rain, purple rain.
Purple rain, purple rain.
I only wanted to see you bathing in the purple rain.

I never wanted to be your weekend lover,
I only wanted to be some kind of friend.
Baby, I could never steal you from another.
It’s such a shame our friendship had to end.

Purple rain, purple rain.
Purple rain, purple rain.
Purple rain, purple rain.
I only wanted to see you underneath the purple rain.

Honey, I know, I know, I know times are changin’.
It’s time we all reach out for something new.

That means you too.
You say you want a leader, but you can’t seem to make up your mind.
And I think you better close it and let me guide you to the purple rain.

Purple rain, purple rain.
Purple rain, purple rain.
If you know what I’m singin’ about up here, come on raise your hand.
Purple rain, purple rain.
I only want to see you, only want to see you in the purple rain.

~Prince

And that’s all I’m ever going to say on the subject. Goodbye, Ethereal One. I shall miss you. I wish you much peace, and…

Love Always,

Jay

I see skies of blue and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.

The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people going by
I see friends shaking hands saying how do you do
They’re really saying…I love you.

~Louis Armstrong

I have a friend who tells me that if I want to reach my dreams or change my life, I need only take one tiny baby step forward. The Universe will then take a matching tiny baby step towards me. If I keep taking baby steps in faith, then eventually the Universe and I will meet in the middle, and the dreams will become reality.

Today, that theory was confirmed in a single, beautiful, magical moment.

Sitting in the grass at the park, listening to two of my favorite local musicians play guitar. Beautiful, beautiful melodies intertwining, caressing each other, sliding in, out, and over each other. Chord progressions moving seamlessly with amazing riffs. Very soothing to the soul. I looked out over the small, intimate crowd that had come together to celebrate the birthday of one of the guitarists.

A middle-aged couple was dancing together, eyes only for each other. They were so full of love for each other; it was obvious in the way they smiled and looked at each other. Joyful, free movement.

A group of teenagers played like children in the grass across the way. The did handstands and cartwheels, and played with a ball. All of them were laughing and smiling together.

A little bit farther away, a man played catch with his dog. Such pure happiness apparent on both of their faces.

Closer in, the friends and family who had gathered sat all around me. Some were talking, others were eating cake, still others were playing cards and board games.

And then there were the other musicians in the crowd who were completely enraptured by the music.

And then there is me. Enjoying all of it, soaking all of it in. A little moment of zen as I realize that none of it would exist without me, not in the same way, and then realizing that all of it would exist without me, and being OK with that. Me, surrounded by dear friends who were strangers to me less than two weeks ago. Two weeks. People who think enough of me to invite me to a semi-private birthday celebration, and who make sure I know where and when I can meet up with them again. People who know my name, and have included me in their little extended family. People who accept me as I am, wounds, flaws, and all…who don’t try to change me, heal me, or help me grow. Men who smile and shake my hand when they see me. Women who hug me and kiss my cheek as they greet me. People who introduce me to others who happen to be nearby. You know…Friends.

I could outline the steps that brought me from there to here, but they really aren’t that important. The important part is that I took responsibility for my life, for the decisions I made, and for the outcome. This is my life, and I created it just the way it was, and now I am creating it just the way it is. And I am very, very pleased with my creation. What a wonderful world, indeed.

Love Always,

Jay

This is my retelling of an old Buddhist (at least, I *think* it’s Buddhist) parable that was told to me a long time ago. I did a quick search, but couldn’t find the original text, so I’ll just tell it as I remember it. It’s a beautiful story about love without attachment:

Your heart is a garden that you must tend to carefully. Sow the seeds of love, peace, happiness, and contentment, and watch them grow into beautiful flowers that will fill your garden. Treat these flowers gently, nourish them faithfully, and prune them graciously.

Do not let the weeds of anger, jealousy, greed, or insecurity take root. Pull them from the ground whenever you find them, and toss them aside. Above all else, do not let the poison of fear kill your flowers of love and peace.

Nurture your inner garden, and love it so that it becomes an oasis of beauty, truth, and light. Let the beautiful fragrance of your garden radiate out into the universe, spreading love and peace wherever you go.

If you take good care of your garden, then it will begin to attract beautiful butterflies who will dance and play among the lovely flowers and peaceful trees. You will enjoy their company, for they will share their love with you and increase the beauty and peace of your garden.

If you try to build a cage or use a net to capture these butterflies, you will only drive them away. Butterflies are free and peaceful, and they resist all attempts to harm them or take away their freedom. It’s fear that causes you to want to contain them, to capture their beauty. Fear makes you believe that if they leave, they will never come back. Fear makes you believe that no butterflies will ever want to visit your garden. Remember, fear is the poison that kills your lovely flowers. It also drives away the butterflies.

So instead of trying to capture the butterflies, work to make sure your garden is so lovely and so peaceful that the butterflies never want to leave. Then they will, perhaps, choose to live in your garden, and allow you to live in theirs.

Love Always,

Jay

“Ain’t nothin’ gonna save you from a love that’s blind. When you slip to the dark side, you cross that line.” ~Eddie and the Cruisers*

This is the second part of my two-part series on energy. In the first part, I talked about how everything, from our thoughts and internal bodily functions to the outer workings of the universe, are all expressions of divine Love. In this post, I’m going to talk about the other end of the spectrum: fear, anger, pain, and other negative experiences, and how they, too, are ultimately expressions of divine Love.

On a basic, biological level, there are only two stimuli: pain and pleasure. Everything that we feel, either internally or externally, can be reduced to pain or pleasure.

Fear is nothing more than the anticipation of pain. When we think that a situation will cause us physical or emotional pain, our initial emotional response is fear. We don’t like pain, and we try to avoid it as much as possible.

Fear is an attempt to avoid pain, to avoid suffering. Unfortunately, fear can also cause us to lash out and hurt others. This is the root cause for all suffering in the world. One person, or one group of people, feels threatened by another person or another group, and lashes out at them from a place of fear and pain. Wars, genocide, murder, abuse, rape…all come from a place of fear.

It’s ironic that the very method that we (as humans) employ to avoid suffering is actually what causes it, but by attempting to avoid suffering, we cause it in ourselves and others.

The opposite of Love isn’t hate; it’s fear.

Fear is the root of all evil in the world. Just like Master Yoda taught us: “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” Fear is the root cause, all other negativity is just a reaction to fear.

Fear makes us feel weak and small. It makes us feel vulnerable, and “less than” the threat we perceive. Since these are all really unpleasant sensations, we try to get rid of them as quickly as possible. More often than not, we turn them into anger.

Anger is much more pleasant to us than fear, because it empowers us. Anger makes us bold and daring. Anger prepares us to fight, and so it pumps us full of adrenaline and hormones. Instead of shrinking back, as we did with fear, now we allow ourselves to grow stronger, bigger. We become aggressive and confrontational. Our ego tells us that *now* we can face whatever scared us. *Now* we are strong, brave…we are not threatened, we *are* the threat.

Even fear and anger can be seen as divine Love.

When our fears are valid, they help protect us from danger. They help keep us safe, and prevent us from placing ourselves in harmful situations. Fear is another way that God expresses His/Her/Its Love for us. Likewise, anger can be used to awaken our passions. Anger isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Even Jesus (if you believe in the bible) got angry, and threw the moneylenders out of the temple. When held under control, and expressed properly, anger can be a great tool for changing the world. The civil rights movement is a perfect example of this. Without the anger of repressed populations, none of us would enjoy many of the freedoms that we take for granted today.

The problem with anger, and with fear, is that it can cloud our thinking and impair our judgment. When we react without thinking, we can hurt others and spread negative energy into the world. If we use our pain as an excuse to hurt others, then we make the world a worse place for everyone…we become agents of darkness. I know that sounds harsh, especially if you have ever unintentionally hurt someone because of your fear and anger, but it’s true.

If we are to evolve as individuals, we must learn to control our fear, and failing that, learn to control our anger. If we can take away the power of our fear, then we don’t risk hurting other people because of it. You have to be mindful of your fears, and determine which ones are valid (if your life or well-being are actually in any danger, then your fear is valid), and which ones are illusions.

Likewise, you have to be mindful of your anger. Anger is always, always, always a reaction to fear. If you are angry, it is only because something has scared you. I know, you probably don’t want to believe that. I can hear the arguments now. But if you’ll just sit with that assertion and let it marinate in your mind, you’ll see the truthfulness of it. Once you dig down and find the fear at the root of it, you can defuse your anger. Or, you can use your anger in a constructive manner to make the world a better place.

On a personal note…

I would love to tell you that I never react out of fear and pain. I would love for you to believe that I am *so* enlightened, that I am *so* aware and *so* full of love that it never happens. I wish I could say that I never lose my temper, that I never speak angrily, and that I never hurt other people. I would love to say that, but it wouldn’t be true.

I never learned how to express my anger properly. When I was little, I used to rage uncontrollably. I would get so angry, so upset, so hurt, and I would act out destructively. I felt like nobody was listening to me, nobody was taking my pain and my suffering seriously, and so I did hateful things to try and make them take me seriously.

When that didn’t work, I learned to turn it all inwards, and that’s the root of my depression. For most of my life, I turned all of my anger against myself. Now that I’m trying to heal my depression, I find myself lashing out again. Instead of expressing my anger constructively, I’m allowing it to explode dangerously. I wish I didn’t do that. It’s something that I struggle with, and something I work very hard to overcome, but for now, it’s a part of me. It’s my dark side.

When I am hurting, or suffering in fear, I don’t handle it well. Not well at all. I lash out at people verbally. I intentionally say hurtful things or use my ninja-like sarcasm skills to strike straight to the heart. And while I’ve never hit anyone, or harmed anyone physically, I have knocked holes in walls and broken furniture. I’m not proud of these things, I’m just acknowledging them.

If you know someone who has anger issues, or issues with depression, or issues with rage, you can help them most just by loving them, listening to them, and taking them seriously. Now, obviously, don’t choose to be around them if your safety is in danger, but when they are calm, just listen to them. You don’t even have to “try” to heal them or make them better…just be there for them. Don’t dismiss them or their pain, or tell them to just “get over it” – that only makes it worse. Don’t tell them that they are responsible for their own pain, and that they should just focus on something positive, because they can’t. They are literally unable to turn it around by themselves. When someone is suffering, that is not the time for self-help lectures!

The following lyrics are from the Christian band 4Him, and are directed to God, but if you really want to help someone who is suffering, you should put yourself in the place of God:

“When I least deserve your Love

That’s when I need you most.

When I seem to push away,

That’s when I need you close.

When my flesh would hide my heart

From the only truth it knows,

That’s when I need you most.” ~4Him

To everyone that I have ever hurt, I am sorry. I’m sorry that I reacted poorly, and made bad choices which caused you pain. I’m sorry for lashing out at you. I’m sorry for all the times that I’ve made you feel less than loved, less than welcome, less than perfect. From the bottom of my heart, I apologize, and hope that I can help you heal those wounds.

Love always,

Jay

*The actual band that wrote and performed “On the Dark Side” was John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown Band. But where’s the fun in that? Eddie lives!