“Oh, Life is bigger. It’s bigger than you, and you are not me…” ~R.E.M., Losing My Religion

Life, is good.

Back in May of 2009, I wrote a little post called “Naming Desires” where I wrote openly about the ways I wanted my life to change. That post is no longer live, but here is what I wrote. I wanted:

1.) A New Environment. This is the biggest one, because all my other desires rest on this one. There’s no point in pursuing any of the others until I get this one accomplished. I need to find a new place to live. I don’t mean a new apartment. I mean a new town in another part of the world. Somewhere warm. Somewhere where I can watch the sun sink into the ocean and enjoy warm days most of the year, if not all-year long. I’m sick of snow and ice (as a weather phenomenon), and if I never see either of them again, that would be perfectly OK with me.

It’s not just about the weather, though. I want to find a place that has a lot of cultural variety, and a very open and tolerant atmosphere. If I could find a good, healthy, thriving Pagan community, that would be ideal, but I’ll settle for a good Unitarian Universalist church with a lot of like-minded people. I’m politically liberal, and would like to live in a more liberal-friendly environment. I want to hang out with more artists. I want more gay friends. I want to hang around aging hippies and beatniks. I want more friends from different religions and different cultures. I want to learn new languages and eat new kinds of food. I want a diverse, supportive, friendly community of freaks and geeks. I want all of these different people to get along with each other.

2.) More Friends. Friends I see and interact with offline is what I mean. It’s not that I don’t treasure my online friendships, it’s just I want more people to hang out with. More people to go with me to watch movies, or to go to museums. More people to play with in toy stores, or read with in bookstores. More people to meet for coffee, or to go out to dinner. More people to go hang out at the beach, or do other stuff outdoors.

While I’m at it, I’d also like to meet 3-5 other guys (musicians) who’d like to get together and jam. I have no desire to be a rock star, but I would love to play guitar with a band again. Even if we never get out of the back bedroom/garage/storage unit, it’d be awesome to play again. I crave that energy…that spirit…that brotherhood that comes with being in a band.

3.) A Life Partner. I want a girl to share this life with me. I have no desire to get married again anytime soon, or otherwise put chains on someone (or have them put chains on me), but I want someone who will fly with me. Someone who will dream and explore with me. Someone to share silly things with me, and serious things, too. Someone to laugh or cry with me. To challenge my thinking. To roll their eyes when I pretend to be a Jedi, or say something obnoxiously corny. I do that a lot. I want someone positive, full of love energy, and mostly happy and free spirited. I need someone who understands that some things are worth fighting about…and some things aren’t. Someone kind, considerate, and caring. Someone intelligent, with a good heart, and a good soul. I want someone who hasn’t forgotten how to be a child sometimes. The ability to be playful is important to me.

4.) A New Job. Two jobs, actually. I want to hold down a part-time job at a bookstore, toy store, novelty store, or little “tourist trap” type place. I love interacting with people…but I can only handle so much of it. So, I want a job without too much responsibility where I can meet people, talk to them, and help them out. I am *so* over the whole concept of having a career and moving up the ladder. I want something simple that I can enjoy.

So here we are, just over a year later, and it’s time for a check-up. How did I do?

Pretty damn good, if I say so myself.

1.) A New Environment: Holy cow! I can’t believe how well this one worked out for me! After 36 years of talking about it, I finally moved to the beach. And this little town is awesome in so many ways. Everything that I really “need” is within easy walking distance, as is the beach. The public transportation is excellent, and there are so many fun things to do and places to explore. Almost everyone that I have met has been incredibly nice and friendly, which brings us to…

2.) More Friends. I have been really surprised (pleasantly so) at how nice people are here. I have made so many friends in the past couple of months, a feat that I never would have believed possible until now. And while I haven’t formed any really “deep” connections, it’s just a matter of time. In all honesty, it feels good just to have the superficial connections for now. Simple human interaction is really nice, and I have a ton of it here. And, as a bonus, almost all of my new friends are musicians, so that part has been covered as well. No jam sessions scheduled yet, but again, it’s just a matter of time.

3.) A Life Partner. So, things here didn’t work out like I had planned. Honestly, that’s not as bad as it sounds. I met someone who certainly has all the qualities I mentioned above (plus more, as she likes to say), and the things that I gained from that relationship far exceeded anything that I ever would have thought possible. I could write an entire post about the positive things I learned and the positive ways I have grown as a result of that relationship. Yes, there was some heartache, and some tears. I had high hopes, and they fell through. But my heart was opened further than it had ever been opened before, and my mind was expanded with new thoughts, ideas, and possibilities. My life has forever been changed in the most beautiful and loving ways, and I am full of gratitude to the Universe for allowing me to meet such an amazing, beautiful soul. She showed me treasures in life and in myself that I will carry forever, and I am eternally grateful.

4.) A New Job. It’s really amazing how a single, small change can completely turn things around. I have the exact same job, working with the same exact people. But now, I love my job, and I am thankful for it nearly every day. I started working from home on a full-time basis, and that made all the difference in the world. There’s far less stress than ever before, and almost zero drama. For the past few months, I have been most content with my day job. I’m excited about what the future holds.

And really, that just about sums up life for me these days. I am mostly happy, content most of the time, and excited about what the future holds. May you be as blessed as I am.

Love Always,

Jay

I write this on the eve of my 37th birthday.

Not all the time, but sometimes, when a close friend of mine has a birthday, I like to write them a love letter to tell them why I think they are so awesome, why I love them, and how they have made my life and my world a better and brighter place. I remind them of all the good things they do, and of the good person that I see them as being. These letters are some of the most open, honest, and heart-felt things that I ever write.

For reasons that I shall keep to myself, I have chosen to write such a letter to myself, and share it with you. May you be inspired to do something similar for yourself, to remind yourself of the awesome, beautiful person you are.

Dear Jay,

First off, I just want to thank you for writing this, and for having the courage to post it. Not too long ago, you would have looked at something like this as silly, self-serving, and stupid. You know that there are people in your life who still think that way, and you know that you are risking criticism and public humiliation by posting this, but you’re doing it anyway. Kudos on the growth in your courage over the past year.

I love you. There are so many great things about you, I don’t even know where to start. Your very presence in this world is a gift to everyone who knows you, and even to those who don’t. You are truly a shining light.

I love how you always try to see the best in everyone, and how you believe that everyone is basically a good person, but sometimes their fear and pain gets in the way of their basic goodness. Some people criticize you for this, and try to tell you to be more cynical, but you politely ignore those suggestions and continue loving the people of the world.

And speaking of love, I love how you always tell people that you love them, and how you always encourage them to love one another. There’s not enough love in this world, not by a long shot, but you help it grow every single day. It’s not always easy, and you are often misunderstood, but that’s OK. Love itself knows that your heart is pure in this matter, and Love itself will help people understand. Just keep doing the love thing, and watch it grow.

I love that you have a huge heart, and that you keep it wide-open, even when it hurts. This hasn’t always been the case, and so this is another area where you deserve kudos for your growth. Your compassion, your tenderness, and your loving kindness are your greatest strengths, even though most people call them weaknesses. There isn’t enough compassion or tenderness in this world, especially among men, but you are certainly a good example of the strength that flows from love.

I love that you lead with your heart, and always trust your gut instincts. I love how intuitive you are, and how in touch you are with your own emotions and feelings. You almost always follow your heart, even when it leads you to places you’d rather not go. You always do what “feels” right, even if you don’t have any logical reason to do so. You trust your inner guidance system more than you trust any external influences, and that is a rare and precious gift. I’m glad that you have developed it over the past couple of years, especially since you spent the majority of your life ignoring it and trying to develop your logical, analytical mind.

But, I also love that you spent all that time developing your logical, analytical mind. Having that background gives you another tool to use while processing information or making a decision. Almost everyone in the world only looks through one of those two lenses their whole life. They are either “left brained” or “right brained”. You, my friend, are both. At least you can be both. You’re more comfortable following your heart, but you can think with your brain, too. It’s another one of those rare and precious gifts that you possess.

I love how you take the time and really listen to people when they speak. I love how you are genuinely interested in what they have to say, and how you really try to understand them. You don’t just listen to the words they say, you also listen to the things their heart is trying to express. You give people the gift of listening, and that helps make the world a better place.

And speaking of making the world a better place, I love how you always try to do that. You’re always doing random acts of kindness, you’re always helping friends out when they need it, you’re always donating money to charity and causes you support. You give freely and without expectation, and that’s beautiful. There just simply aren’t enough people like you in this world. Keep up the good work!

I love that you are a dreamer, with your head in the clouds. I love how you always imagine a better future, not just for yourself, but for the whole world. I love that you let your imagination soar and take you on fantastic voyages. You dream BIG dreams, and you have BIG ideas. I also love that you are practical enough to know when to dream, and when to face the truth and act responsibly. If you could develop your practical nature just a tad bit more, you’d probably start seeing even more of your dreams come true.

Sometimes, Jay, you are moody and depressed. Sometimes you make mistakes and hurt people. Sometimes (usually), you hurt yourself, too. You can say hurtful things to people sometimes, and that’s just not cool. I wish you didn’t do that. Even more so, though, I wish you didn’t say the hurtful and hateful things that you say to yourself sometimes. I wish you didn’t believe the bad things that you believe about yourself. I wish you could see yourself the way that *I* see you…the way that others see you. You don’t have to be afraid, Jay. You’re strong, compassionate, loving, kind, and beautiful. Please try to believe that more often.

Love always,

Jay

My good friend Lisis and I were talking about the meaning of life on Facebook a couple of weeks ago, and I shared the following opinion. As with all things Jayism, I don’t claim that this is THE truth, or even “a” truth. It works for me, it might not resonate with you. If you dig it, that’s cool, and if you don’t, that’s cool too. If there is one commandment in Jayism, it’s this: Find your own truth. So without further ado, here is the meaning of life, according to Jayism:

In the afterlife, everything is peace and love and good happiness stuff. There’s no anger, no fear, no jealousy. There’s no miscommunication, because everyone knows exactly what is in everyone else’s soul. Your spirit is intimate with every other spirit. Everyone knows everything about Life, the Universe, and Everything. There’s no questions, no answers. It’s beautiful and peaceful, full of light and love.

It gets old after a while. trust me. I’ve been there. There’s only so much “enlightened awareness” that a soul can take before going totally bonkers with boredom.

So we all got together, and invented this really cool game called life. We created a physical reality for ourselves, and we built rules and systems to make it function. We then agreed to follow those rules while we are in the physical world, and to forget everything we know about the “real” world. It makes the game more interesting, you see.

I’m pretty sure the first conversation went like this:

“Whatcha doin?”

“I’m creating a new world.”

“Bo-ring. Aren’t you tired of that by now? I haven’t created a new world in ages.”

“No, this one will be different. In this one, we won’t be able to do anything we want. We’ll have…um…um…like we need to invent a word that means “You can’t do whatever you want whenever you want.”

“Like the opposite of omnipotent? That doesn’t even make sense. How can there be an opposite to existence?”

“Dude! That’s it!! We need a world that is completely opposite from reality! Like there will be things we can’t do. There will be things we can’t experience. There will be things we don’t know!”

“Can’t? Won’t? You’re not making any sense. In fact, you’re starting to creep me out a little bit, which is odd, because until just now, I never experienced such a thing.”

“Chill. I got this. Check it out. The problem with creating new worlds has always been that we choose to experience them in our astral bodies. No matter what we create, it always ends up being the same, because we’re the same. There’s no challenge that we can’t meet, no obstacle we can’t overcome. We need a world where our minds and bodies don’t work…at least not completely.”

” You mean like we pretend we’re broken?”

“Yeah. Exactly. We pretend that we are broken. It’ll be fun!”

“Cool. Let me help…”

And so we created this physical universe, and we placed this world called Earth in it. We agreed to be physically born into this world, and in that process, we gave up our powers and our knowledge of the other side. We agreed to be bound by physical laws, and to be separated from each other. We agreed that we would feel happiness and sorrow, love and loss, fear, pain, uncertainty, and doubt. We even agreed to forget that it was all just a game, so that we would believe that it was all real.

There are no winners or losers in this game. The only person you are competing with is yourself, and the only point is to beat your own high score. You earn points by loving others, by becoming more caring and compassionate, and by overcoming adversity and fear in a positive manner. You also earn points by reconnecting with your true essence, by becoming more like the all-powerful and all-knowing being you really are. Peaceful, kind, and loving acts earn you points, while hurtful, selfish, or fear-filled acts cause you to lose points.

The ultimate goal is to remember and reconnect with your true self…the being you are on the other side. Doing that earns you a ton of bonus points, and makes it easier to gain points.

At some point, the game ends, and you go back to the other side, where you tally up your points, go through a peer-review process (Duuuude, I can’t believe you passed up that promotion! What were you thinking?!? Me? What about you and that girl?! Total fail!), and rest and relax for a while.

Until you get bored, and then you come back for another round. Game on!

Love always (it gets you lots of points!),

Jay

I never meant to cause you any sorrow,
I never meant to cause you any pain.
I only wanted one time to see you laughing -
I only wanted to see you laughing in the purple rain.

Purple rain, purple rain.
Purple rain, purple rain.
Purple rain, purple rain.
I only wanted to see you bathing in the purple rain.

I never wanted to be your weekend lover,
I only wanted to be some kind of friend.
Baby, I could never steal you from another.
It’s such a shame our friendship had to end.

Purple rain, purple rain.
Purple rain, purple rain.
Purple rain, purple rain.
I only wanted to see you underneath the purple rain.

Honey, I know, I know, I know times are changin’.
It’s time we all reach out for something new.

That means you too.
You say you want a leader, but you can’t seem to make up your mind.
And I think you better close it and let me guide you to the purple rain.

Purple rain, purple rain.
Purple rain, purple rain.
If you know what I’m singin’ about up here, come on raise your hand.
Purple rain, purple rain.
I only want to see you, only want to see you in the purple rain.

~Prince

And that’s all I’m ever going to say on the subject. Goodbye, Ethereal One. I shall miss you. I wish you much peace, and…

Love Always,

Jay

I see skies of blue and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.

The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people going by
I see friends shaking hands saying how do you do
They’re really saying…I love you.

~Louis Armstrong

I have a friend who tells me that if I want to reach my dreams or change my life, I need only take one tiny baby step forward. The Universe will then take a matching tiny baby step towards me. If I keep taking baby steps in faith, then eventually the Universe and I will meet in the middle, and the dreams will become reality.

Today, that theory was confirmed in a single, beautiful, magical moment.

Sitting in the grass at the park, listening to two of my favorite local musicians play guitar. Beautiful, beautiful melodies intertwining, caressing each other, sliding in, out, and over each other. Chord progressions moving seamlessly with amazing riffs. Very soothing to the soul. I looked out over the small, intimate crowd that had come together to celebrate the birthday of one of the guitarists.

A middle-aged couple was dancing together, eyes only for each other. They were so full of love for each other; it was obvious in the way they smiled and looked at each other. Joyful, free movement.

A group of teenagers played like children in the grass across the way. The did handstands and cartwheels, and played with a ball. All of them were laughing and smiling together.

A little bit farther away, a man played catch with his dog. Such pure happiness apparent on both of their faces.

Closer in, the friends and family who had gathered sat all around me. Some were talking, others were eating cake, still others were playing cards and board games.

And then there were the other musicians in the crowd who were completely enraptured by the music.

And then there is me. Enjoying all of it, soaking all of it in. A little moment of zen as I realize that none of it would exist without me, not in the same way, and then realizing that all of it would exist without me, and being OK with that. Me, surrounded by dear friends who were strangers to me less than two weeks ago. Two weeks. People who think enough of me to invite me to a semi-private birthday celebration, and who make sure I know where and when I can meet up with them again. People who know my name, and have included me in their little extended family. People who accept me as I am, wounds, flaws, and all…who don’t try to change me, heal me, or help me grow. Men who smile and shake my hand when they see me. Women who hug me and kiss my cheek as they greet me. People who introduce me to others who happen to be nearby. You know…Friends.

I could outline the steps that brought me from there to here, but they really aren’t that important. The important part is that I took responsibility for my life, for the decisions I made, and for the outcome. This is my life, and I created it just the way it was, and now I am creating it just the way it is. And I am very, very pleased with my creation. What a wonderful world, indeed.

Love Always,

Jay