“The years rolled slowly past,
And I found myself alone.
Surrounded by strangers I thought were my friends,
I found myself further and further from my home.
And I guess I lost my way.
There were oh so many roads.
I was living to run and running to live.
Never worrying about paying, or even how much I owed…” ~Bob Segar
My good friend Sunny over at AbubakarJamil.com invited me to participate in his crazy idea about things we wished we had known earlier in life. I agreed, because, well, he’s Sunny. And I love him. I’m easily convinced that way.
Life is kinda like a maze. There are many paths through the maze, and little pieces of cheese (good things, experiences, or people) scattered throughout. Every decision we make takes us down a new path, but all of them are equally valid. If you get sidetracked, or turn left when you really should have turned right, you might miss the cheese along the original path, but there will be other pieces along the new path. Sometimes you’ll find that the new path doubles back and you get the original cheese anyway.
On a side note, I think I’m gonna go grab a piece of cheese to eat. Real cheese. Not metaphorical cheese. Be back in a sec…
OK, I’m back. Where was I? Oh yeah. The Maze of Life.
The main difference between life and a maze is that there are no dead ends. Well, except that one at the end, but that’s a different story. What I mean is that there aren’t any dead ends along the way. There’s no place where you have to stop, go back, and retrace your steps. Which is good, because you can’t stop and retrace your steps. Until someone figures out time travel, you can only move forward through the maze. No stopping, no going back, and no jumping forward. Just a slow, steady pace until you get to the end.
So what happens when you come to a wall? A perceived dead-end? Well, you have two options. OK, well, three, technically speaking. But the third option isn’t really that great, so let’s just stick to the first two. You can either bust through the wall, or you can find a way around it. My advice to you is this:
If you hit a wall, look for the path around it instead of busting your way through it.
This is something that I’m just now starting to learn, and I really wish I had learned it much, much earlier in life. Like at birth. If this could have been in the instruction manual along with my afterbirth, that would have been awesome. What? What do you mean there’s no instruction manual?! No wonder my parents screwed me up so bad! 
My whole life, I have been taught to bust through the wall. Smash it to smithereens. Obliterate the obstacle. This is the way of the warrior, and it is highly respected in most cultures. It’s the way of the Samurai, the medieval knight, the gunslinger. I have always admired these kinds of people and wanted to emulate them. So, I became a warrior, a fighter. Whenever something came up, whenever there was an obstacle or an opponent, I just busted right through it. Sword blazing, teeth flashing, a blood-curdling yell on my lips. Fight! Attack! Charge! As Jim Morrison would say: “Break on through to the other side.“
However, about six months ago, my perspective changed. I learned that you don’t have to break down the walls. You don’t have to smash the obstacles. I learned that if you just sit quietly with yourself, and look at the wall from many different angles, different perspectives, you can find a path around the wall. There’s always a way around the wall, you just have to be patient and let it reveal itself. Sometimes you realize that the wall itself is just an illusion, and all you have to do is have faith that God/The Universe will help you step through it, if only you will step up to it. And sometimes, if you just wait long enough, the wall disappears all on its own.
This is the path of peace. It’s the path of Ghandi and the Dalai Lama. It’s gentle, and nurturing. Most importantly, it leaves the cheese on the other side of the wall intact and ready for you. You see, when you smash through the walls, it creates dust, debris, and maybe even shrapnel that can damage the path ahead, and hurt or even completely destroy any cheese that might be waiting for you.
So younger me/still young you…that’s the advice I wish I had gotten sooner. I wish that I had known that there was a different way, a more peaceful way, to go through life. I think that I’d still be the person that I am now, but maybe I wouldn’t feel so…tired. Maybe my depression wouldn’t be quite as bad as it is, and maybe I wouldn’t be ready to retire. Because, you see, I *am* ready to retire. I’m ready to retire from fighting.
I’m tired of fighting, I’m tired of struggling. I’m tired of running against the wind. I’m tired of being a warrior. I think I finally understand what it means to be a Peaceful Warrior, and so I’m gonna try to do that from now on. I’m tired of conquering life, I want to embrace it instead.
Love always,
Jay
PS – Yes, I have read “Way of the Peaceful Warrior“, and yes, I realize that I should probably read it again. 
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Jen Smith, Jay Schryer. Jay Schryer said: New, on Porsidan: One thing I wish I had learned long ago. http://bit.ly/8YcVMG [...]
Jay,
Since I have been reading you for quite some time therefore the wisdom of your article was something expected for me personally. The part that I enjoy most reading you is how well you have been able to find your inner writers voice.
That affects the reader and flavored with your wisdom becomes irresistible.
Thank you very much for participating in this endeavor with me.
You’ve been awesome as always. Deserves a stumble and digg, doesn’t it? 
What a great post, Jay! I really, truly love this line: “If you hit a wall, look for the path around it instead of busting your way through it.” It’s SUCH good advice!
[...] This post was Twitted by shiny_me [...]
I loved this!
Hey Jay,
It’s a pity we don’t come with an instructions manual, but on the other side, figuring stuff on ourselves is part of what makes life exciting. I think looking for ways around obstacles makes a lot more sense than trying to push your way right through them. We are just not used to thinking this way about them.
Jay –
This is a great post. I am always on the look out to find the walls or the potential dead-ins for my daughter so that she can see that they aren’t really walls or dead-ins but a chance to make a choice, to sit and find patience, to listen to her heart… or to take a deep breath and open herself to seeing a different way forward. It is perspective and space and time and letting herself be.
Love this post
He’s back! Baby, he’s back!
So glad to read a post from you again, Jay. And this one is a gem. I love the wisdom you’ve shared… It’s funny because for most of my life I’ve been the one to either try to walk around the wall or just stare at it until it either disappears or I get bored and decide there’s another trail I want to blaze. I actually always admired wall smashers, but after reading your post, I have a new perspective. Thank you!
I’m so happy to read your words again… What a gift on this Friday!
@Sunny – Thank you for the kind words, and thank you for inviting me to participate in this. I really enjoyed being a part of something that spanned many different blogs, and I’m happy to be part of our larger community. It’s good to have you back in our community, too!
@Dani – Thanks! I’m glad you like the advice. Although I certainly didn’t come up with it, I have found it very useful these past few months. I hope you will find it useful, too!
@Dot – I’m glad!
@Eduard – You’re right, it definitely takes a change in perspective. We’re so used to seeing obstacles as things that we must move, things we must overcome, that it takes real effort to change and try to move forward peacefully.I’m still learning, still trying to make it a habit, but I already know that its a much better way to live my life.
@The Exception – It’s so good that you’re teaching your daughter this way of thinking about life, and the challenges we all face from time to time. I wish that I had learned this much earlier, so that I could have taught it to *my* daughter. It sounds like you’re definitely a few steps ahead of me in the parenting game!
@Megan – Thank you, Megan! It’s good to be missed. To be honest, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to start blogging again or not, but comments such as yours really make my day. it’s so good to see you here, my friend!
Jay:
I just gotta say this is a great post…well written and filled with huge boulders of wisdom! Funny you should write this…because I can identify with much of what you shared. There have been some moments when I’ve had the warrior mentality when coming up to a wall in my life…but much of the time I tend to get overly-analytical. Too analytical and this, too, makes me tired and gets me no-where. But I did come to the realization recently that life shouldn’t be the struggle that I often make it…I had this idea that I need to get a little more Zen about it. I sense that this is the lesson you learned and its a powerful one.
Jay,
Did you announce your blog was up and running and I missed it?!? Megan told me or I wouldn’t be here today.
Thanks for your comment on my blog today. I love it that I have friends who stand behind me and understand me.
I like you used to smash through barriers. I like you learned there’s a better way. Well…sometimes I still fall back;) It was joyful to read your humor again. Instructions that come with afterbirth. LOL Kinda like the prize in cracker jacks!
@Tim – I have that same tendency too-to overthink things. Just like you said, my experience has been that it gets you nowhere fast. I still struggle with it, but I’m getting better (slowly but surely!) The Zen attitude that I am trying to cultivate definitely makes things simpler, less confusing, and more peaceful.
@Tess – I’m glad Megan sent you this way! Yes, you must have missed the announcement. it’s understandable. I’ve intentionally been keeping a much lower blogging profile this time around.
I still fall back into “smashing” mode…a lot! It’s hard to unravel 36 years of training, and completely reverse my thinking. I just try a little bit each day, and hope that *someday* I’ll do it naturally, all the time.
I’m glad you liked my comment. Your post was the most heartfelt, enlightened, and thoughtful thing I have read in a long, long time, and it really inspired me. Thank you so much for being so awesome!
Lovely! Sorry I missed this last week. Yes, I’ve struggled with this one too. Sometimes you seem like my spiritual twin:-) There’s this Clint Eastwood movie, Heartbreak Ridge, you have probably seen it, where he’s a retired military man (I think – been a long time), but just keeps getting into fights everywhere you go. A fighter fights, a warrior creates wars. It’s hard to give that up.
At the same time, it’s a great gift to be a warrior. The world needs more ‘sacred warriors’ (borrowing a phrase from a favorite Buddhist teacher of mine, Chogyam Trungpa.) Peaceful warriors is another variation, I suppose.
As for busting through walls, I think what can sometimes happen when we sit with the wall as you said is that we can begin to see the wall as a new opporunity, or as a kind of gift even, depending on what it is. There’s no growth without resistance, right? In any form.
Jay,
Hell no don’t you give up on romantic love. That’s BS!
Hey do you want to come for a weekend in the fall? I told you once my home is barrier free. We could do some awesome sight seeing and stuff. Let me know that buddy pass awaits you;)
Also super heros are human. Make mistakes, get lonely etc. I just asked my 80 year old friend if she thought Micheal Beckwith (my hero) fights with his wife! She laughed and said of course he does. That made me feel human. LOL
@Lisa – lol, I don’t think I’m anywhere near qualified to be your spiritual twin! I’m not sure there’s anything like paths anymore, but if there *are* paths, you’re so far ahead of me that I can’t even see your dust trails! You’re such an inspiration to me.
I haven’t seen that Clint Eastwood movie, but I’ll be sure to check it out. I like a lot of his movies that seem to carry that same theme – the warrior (or gunslinger) that tries to quit but always comes back to it for one reason or another. It’s like he really wants peace, but the world just won’t let him have it. I can identify with that.
@Tess – You got a deal! I would LOVE to come see you!! That sounds like a wonderful idea. Thank you for the invitation!
Dear Jay, I never thought of the meaning of your site til you mentioned Farsi and of course I am from Iran too so it makes perfect sense. I think you are doing more of the “Javab dadan” than the “Porsidan” but either way, I love it – I love your writing voice, your story telling style and your insight in embracing and taking the better approach in overcoming those walls. And I am delighted to have come across Porsidan!
Keep it up and nice to meet you here in the lovely cyberspace!
“If you hit a wall, look for the path around it instead of busting your way through it.” What a peaceful approach to problem solving.
@Farnoosh – Once upon a time, I fell in love with an Iranian girl, and when I did, I fell in love with the Persian language, too. Even though things did not work out with the girl, I still love the language. I only learned a few words and a few phrases, but I think Farsi is a beautiful language. When I was looking for a domain name, I used a Farsi/English dictionary to find the words that I wanted. What I was really looking for is “searching”, as in “searching for answers”, but I couldn’t find that in the dictionary, so I picked “to question” (Porsidan) instead. What does “Javab dadan” mean?
I’m glad that you found my site, and even more glad that you like it! I hope you come back to visit often. And feel free to teach me as much Farsi as I can learn!
@Claire – It is very peaceful. I’m only just now learning how to apply it to my life, and so I still don’t use it as often as I should, but whenever I *do* manage to use it, it yields very positive results.
Ah I am sorry to have assumed you speak fluently – No worry – and I’ll teach you everything you may wish to know, provided that I know it myself.
! And may a truer love walk into your life….(And of course I can mock them because I am one 
)!
“Javab” – answer
“Dadan” – infinitive form of to give
So I was saying you are giving more answers than asking.
Those Iranian women are impossible – they are demanding, bossy, beautiful but full of ego and pride and oh la la ….. Be happy to be set free
I’ll be back often!
[...] Against The Wind [...]
Hi Jay,
A great contribution to Abubakar’s invitation.
My wife often criticizes me for not “standing up” for myself when others treat me badly, but I see my approach as being different to hers: she wants to smash through the obstacle while I like to set an example for the obstacle, and let it voluntarily get out of my way.
Telling someone you don’t appreciate what they did is one thing, but mimicking their action is another. And the latter approach is, unfortunately, the more common one. We don’t need to default to having conflicts and perpetuating aggression.
We don’t have to encourage others to stand in our way when we can let them join us on our journey.
OK, now I feel like having some cheese, too!
p.s. Please install the “Subscribe to Comments” plugin. Helps commenters know when you’ve replied to their comments.
@Haider – Thanks for stopping in, I’m glad that you enjoyed the article. I love your approach to obstacles…to let it voluntarily get out of your way. That’s a truly beautiful way to live your life.
As for the plugin, I’ll think about it.
But I like to keep my site as lean and efficient as possible, so I try to keep the plugins to a minimum.
Jay, this is a great post. I just love this powerful line.
If you hit a wall, look for the path around it instead of busting your way through it.
also the cheese thing was cracking me up… very funny, hubby and I absolutely love cheese.. even though you were being funny.. its super-double cute!
The concept is so true though and …
actually thinking about the path idea more it brings instant freedom for anxiety to just dissolve. If there is a path around, then the fighter instinct slows down and the lovable instinct comes back to just keep on doing those heart steps to get where you need to.
i love this.
thank you!
namaste!
~Jenn
Jay,
Just found your blog through Abubaker’s life lessons series. You have a funny side to your writing! I liked the way you explained cheese-maze metaphor in life, it does feel that way sometimes that we might be going around the maze and sometimes not even sure if there is a cheese at the end or not.
Glad to found your blog! I hope your struggling and fighting days are over now.
Hi Jay,
I love the way you write. It made me feel I’d stepped in for a chat, and I loved the peace I felt as I read it. No longer the slayer, the warrior, the angry person but someone who understands the strength in being still, allowing the answers to come rather than blasting your way in to find a response that will do for now. Great inner strength. Thank you for allowing me an insight into your journey.
Warmest wishes
Sarah
@Jenn – I’m glad you liked the post. Thank you for the kind compliments about my writing. And yes, you’re right…knowing that all the paths are equally valid takes the anxiety out of most decisions. No matter which way you go, it’s all gonna be ok.
@Zengirl – I’m glad you appreciate my sense of humor! I’m glad you found my blog, and I hope you stop in again sometime.
@Sarah – Thank you for the compliment; I’m really glad you like my writing. Thank you so much for reading, and for leaving such a beautiful comment. I hope to see you here again.