I’m about to simplify almost every decision you will ever make in your entire life.
You might want to take notes. There will be a quiz afterward called “life” and to pass the quiz, you’re gonna want to remember this post. This post is gonna save you a lot of time and headaches, and quite possibly a heartache or two, so listen up.
The cliffs notes version is this: Everything you could possibly do in this life can be rated on a single scale, the P.I.T.A. scale, which I will explain to you below. Whenever you are faced with a decision, always consider the P.I.T.A. rating for all options, and that will give you a good idea of the best course of action. It works in relationships, in career decisions, financial problems, and even in mundane areas such as where to go for dinner or what to watch on TV.
I should charge for this. I really should. It’s *that* good.
P.I.T.A. is an acronym which means:
Pain
In
The
Ass.
Everything you do can be rated according to how much trouble it is; how big a Pain In The Ass it is. The more trouble something is, the higher the P.I.T.A. value. The higher the P.I.T.A. value, the more stress it induces. In most cases, you want to keep your P.I.T.A. rating as low as possible, so you go with whatever option has the lowest one. You have to be careful, though, because there are some times when you really want to go for the higher value option, despite the fact that it causes more stress. The most notable exception (that I can think of right off the top of my head) is in the world of dating, but I’ll get to that in a second.
For most people, the most basic P.I.T.A. level, 1, is equivalent to getting out of bed in the morning. It’s annoying, you really don’t want to do it, but you do it so often that you’ve kinda become numb to it. In any case, it’s much easier than any other option such as getting fired (P.I.T.A. = 80 or so) or starving to death (P.I.T.A. = Um, infinite, I guess. Dying pretty much trumps everything else on the P.I.T.A. scale), so getting out of bed is the baseline.
The next level of the P.I.T.A. scale is the equivalent of getting to work on time. You have to get ready, get dressed, get in the car (or take public transportation) fight traffic, maybe get breakfast or drop the kids off at school…whatever. This is your basic, day-to-day P.I.T.A level for most activities. For most people, this rates about a three or four on the P.I.T.A. scale. If you have car problems, add a few points, grumpy/lazy kids, add a few points, not a morning person, add a few more points. Every little annoyance stacks on top of every other little annoyance, so a particularly bad morning may up the P.I.T.A. value of your morning commute to 10, 12, or even higher.
At P.I.T.A. level 10, you start to feel annoyed and stressed out. You’ve reached the realm of experience that I like to call “not having fun”. At this point, you begin to question your decision: Was it really worth it? Thoughts such as “I could’ve stayed home in bed” start to cross your mind. For women on particularly bad dates, I believe the phrase I have heard is “Did I really shave my legs for this?” Welcome to P.I.T.A. level 10, ladies.
While you’re at P.I.T.A. level 10, you’re not exactly happy, but the day/evening isn’t a total loss yet, either. You could still turn it around, given the right set of circumstances. However, if any more stress is added, then you’ve climbed into the “I am not amused, nor am I happy” category of the P.I.T.A. scale. At this level, you’re visibly irritated. You may snap at people, curse, or just sit there fuming quietly.
At P.I.T.A. level 15 to 20, you’re done. You’d rather be home, or anywhere except here. Examples include a lousy day at work, an argument with your lover, or an accident that causes you injury. In plain English, you’re having a very. bad. day.
After P.I.T.A. level 20, you enter the danger zone. You’re in serious danger of losing your shit. This is the point when most people start to feel a little stabby, and eyes start twitching. This is when you start thinking that duct tape is an acceptable method of child restraint, and maybe selling the child to the gypsies isn’t such a bad idea after all. The stress is killing you, but you just might take out somebody else, too.
Everyone has their own internal P.I.T.A. scale. You might consider some things to be a huge P.I.T.A., which someone else might consider to be a relatively minor P.I.T.A. For example, because I use a wheelchair to get around, if the sidewalk suddenly ends, that’s a HUGE P.I.T.A. for me, because I have to turn around, backtrack, and find another way to go forward. However, for an able-bodied person, that’s a really minor thing. Just step off the curb, and you’re done. It probably wouldn’t even register on your P.I.T.A. scale. Conversely, when I stand up, I’m really tall, so I never have problems getting things off the top shelf. For short people, items on the top shelf might get an automatic 2-point adjustment on their P.I.T.A. scale.
Truth be told, I’m not telling you anything that you didn’t already know. However, you’ve probably never really thought about it before or articulated it, so it has been affecting you on a subconscious level. Now that you’ve thought about it consciously, it will forever change your life. Here’s how:
You’re gonna start keeping a running tally of your P.I.T.A. level throughout the day. This doesn’t have to be formal or a big deal, just monitor yourself as you go about your business. Take note of everything that affects you negatively, and add a couple of points for each thing. By keeping score, you can prevent yourself from going over the edge. You will lose your temper far less often, because you’ll start to feel it build up inside of you, and you can make a conscious effort to lower your P.I.T.A. rating before it gets too bad.
Wait. I can lower my P.I.T.A. score? Yes you can. Anything that reduces stress or makes you happy lowers your overall P.I.T.A. Taking deep breaths, meditating, eating some ice cream or other comfort food, or taking a quiet walk. Anything that calms you down and returns you to your happy place lowers your P.I.T.A. score.
Whenever you consider any action or activity, take it’s P.I.T.A. value into consideration. The more you practice looking at things in this way, the more natural it will become for you. You’ll find yourself refusing to do things that you know will have a high P.I.T.A. score, and that will cause you to lead a less-stressful life by default. You’ll be happier and more at peace with yourself.
OK, that’s really the end of the post, but at the beginning, I promised I’d write something about the exception of dating and romance, so this is it. This part is intended for men, but since I know the girls are gonna read it too, they can let you know if it’s accurate or not.
Guys, sometimes you want to choose the higher P.I.T.A. activity. I know, your idea of a perfect date is watching TV at home in your sweats and ordering pizza together, followed by making out. That’s a P.I.T.A. level one date, and if you had your way, all of your dates would be P.I.T.A. level one. Unfortunately, girls don’t think that way (if you haven’t figured that out by now). Most girls will be OK with that sometimes, but not every time. For girls, it’s not even a “date” until you hit at least P.I.T.A. level three. That means nice clothes, dinner, and a movie; maybe ice cream later. P.I.T.A. level three is your basic, everyday kind of date.
To impress a girl, you have to reach up into the higher P.I.T.A. values. Dinner at a nice restaurant, followed by going to a nice play or concert…something that she really enjoys, as opposed to something you really enjoy…women like that. And because women like that, they give you brownie points for giving it to them. The higher the P.I.T.A. value for you, the more brownie points you get. Just be careful that whatever you do is a P.I.T.A. for you, but not for her! If you cause her P.I.T.A. score to rise, you lose brownie points!
Not every date has to be a P.I.T.A. 5 or 6, but some of them should be. And for special occasions, such as *cough* Valentine’s Day *cough*, go for the P.I.T.A. 8 or 9 activity. If you pull it off, you’ll thank me later.
Love always,
Jay
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